My Bliptronic 5000, Let Me Introduce You

Hey. Sorry about quitting on the blog thing...school sucks. Anyway, I stumbled upon this video and felt like I needed to share it with all you wonderful people out there. Here you go.



-Atticus

Yikes! Double Late Posts!

Zoinks, Scoob (I'm so so sorry for that...I'm ashamed).  Sorry about the late post, but today was a bit hectic and then I had some computer issues at the last minute.  The good news is that both of my pirate vessels (my trusty 500 gig WD drive and 16 gig Corsair flash drive) are now both defragmented and ready to chew bubblegum and take names...and they're all out of...name...gum.  Go to college if you want to be able to understand these high level metaphors.  It's getting Proustian up in this mofo.

Point is, I am so ready for piracy.  It's a good thing.  Just this weekend I practically cleared out my "Movies to Download" list, and I'll probably start on the anime in the upcoming weeks.  Then again, there are plenty of streaming sites.  We'll see how that pans out.  Anyways, expect a whole lot more pirate movie talk.

Read more »

I Watched this Movie Today and So Should You

Trailer after the jump:

Read more »

Parks and Recreation 203

This week's episode of Parks and Recreation is so far the first to not deal with Leslie's political career or her work with The Pit (DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN).  While it was a little bit odd, if wasn't entirely unexpected.  How long can we be expected to care about the exploits of local government?  THUNDERCATS!

Read more »

A Quick Pictoral Representation of My Emotional Status

-Dave

Something Interesting Almost Happened Today

I thought that I had eaten actual whipped cream (as opposed to the Cool-Whip I was raised on while growing up in South Compton-the worst part of Compton) for about 5 hours today until I shared that with someone only to have my hopes of expanding culinary borders dashed. Turns out I have eaten it before at home as a part of some other food. Technically it's still the first time I've ever eaten whipped cream outside of my house, and that alone is enough reason to celebrate in my mind.

Read more »

BBT and HIMYM Episode 2: Lovers' Quarrels Galore

This week's How I Met Your Mother was definitely the weaker of the two shows, although I think I might be inherently biased towards The Big Bang Theory because of how big of a loser I is. Lazy pirate summaries after the jump:

Read more »

Bored to Death 102: Colonics are Funny

Could you probably make a joke about how "colonics" basically rhymes with ebonics?  Yeah, probably.  You racist.  Let's get to the show before the Klan shows up at your house to recruit you.

Read more »

Parks and Recreation 202- The Stakeout

Ann starts dating Mark, which prompts Leslie to run through a list of different ways of saying that friends come first. The best one? "Ovaries before brovaries." Leslie starts a community garden, and whenever she asks Tom for the Latin name of the plants, he tells her the names of rappers. Oh yeah, and somebody decided to plant some pot in the garden. What will they do nooooow?

Ron has a bit of a Carl-Winslow-right-before-the-big-dance-contest situation (Did I do that?), and Leslie takes Tom with her to stake out the area to try and catch the 13-year-old kingpin. Who do they see? Mark is on his way to Ann's house! Leslie starts snapping pictures of them together. Methinks she might care more about that relationship than she lets on.

Tom reveals that his birth name wasn't Tom, and he changed it before Barack Obama was elected because he thought "brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names don't get very far in politics". Wait a minute, isn't the Muslim population in India a huge minority? In fact, isn't that the entire reason that Pakistan became a country? Once again, historical accuracy falls victim to the need for topical humor. Muslims.

Tom and Leslie find out that Andy has been living in the pit, but he wasn't the one who planted the pot there. April goes back to the office, thinking that there must be something wrong with Ron (he has a hernia). She then delivers one of the most hilariously generic punchlines of all time, "I know. It's possible to have two things." You had to be there.

Read more »

A Non-Denominational Christmas-Like-Holiday Miracle

I finished everything that I needed to do tonight and will be going to bed after watching some Home Movies and/or random anime. YES! To put that in perspective, my going to sleep at 10 tonight will be the first time since the semester started that I will have been asleep before midnight.

First round of tests coming up in the next 2 weeks, hurrah! I'll be sure to give you the scoop on how I do. Hint:

Read more »

Too...Tired.......Must.....Summarize....Television...

Scared to Death rules, watch it.  Better commentary next week I promise.  Oh, and I have to defer to the Wikipedia summary of the Parks & Recreation premiere because I'm a moron and watched it without taking notes and then waited too long to try and summarize it.  Something about gay penguins, Christian/parent advocacy groups ruin everything, and Aziz Ansari continues nailing his part.  Awesome stuff. 

Anyhow, my raw notes from Bored to Death (which you will not feel after watching this show...@Dave: ugh, your jokes make me hurt) are after the jump:

Read more »

Lazy Pirate Summary: BBT and HIMYM Season Premieres

episode starts explaining barney and robin's apparent friends-with-benefits relationship
amusing anecdote involving a whip and a fedora
they pretend to leave to go on separate dates, but are discovered making out in ted's apartment
whenever they try to decide how they feel about each other, they end up having sex
ted's first day as a professor at columbia
"you're not happy, you just think you're happy because you feel happy"
barney gets jealous when robin's friend brad invites her to a hockey game
brad tells robin to have the talk
marshall tells barney to have the talk
ted says barney violated his own rules to avoid making someone their g/f, so robin is already his g/f
barney interrupts robin and brad's kiss by punching brad and then recoiling in pain
"that's my thing, i'm always punching guys...girls...i'll punch a baby, i don't care"
ted forgets how to spell professor
lilly and marshal lock robin and barney in a room in ted's apartment to make them have the talk
ted finds out he is in the wrong room
"t dog, you're in the wrong room, bro"
marshall raises the stakes by blowing the scent of bacon into the room
to get out of the room, barney and robin decide to lie about being b/f and g/f
episode ends with marshall having his own tuxedo night

Read more »

So Many Premieres!

Here are the shows I'll be following online this season, all of which I downloaded (or started downloading) today:
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
Bored to Death (HBO)
Parks and Recreation (NBC)

Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with all the new episodes of these shows and give a quick overview and some commentary the day of their respective scene releases...or at least within a day or two. 

Read more »

Proof of How Active my Life Is

Two things occupied my weekend for no apparent reason (besides homework and videogames- those two things are given): reading about the show Roseanne and surfing this website.

Now while these two things may seem totally unconnected, let me explain. I was reading about the show Roseanne because I remembered a conversation I had with my mom about how she was a very controversial comedian, and I asked why. Apparently her "shocking" exploit was singing the national anthem poorly. Here's the video:

Read more »

Imma Let You Finish

But this is one of the best memes of all time.

-Dave

Got Done Everything I needed to Do Today Before Midnight

Time for some sleep!

-Dave

The End of an Era (Not a Post About Patrick Swayze)

So, as you likely did not hear, The Steal is breaking up. Yes, I fired up my Google Reader today (it's analog and runs on gas- hence "firing it up") to find a report from PunkNews that the band will be playing their final show this Friday.

I salute this band, and I mean that totally without sarcasm. They were a great band, and I'll be listening to their music for years to come. Unless the sweet release of death comes sooner (nailed that optimistic remark!). With that said, I leave you tonight with a live video of them after the jump.

Read more »

Speaking of Tim and Eric...

Tim Heidecker, half of our favorite comedy duo here, directed and starred in a music video for a band called Clues.  The music is pretty boring and generic indie (bring on the hate mail!), but the video is absolutely hilarious when you consider the juxtaposition of the totally serious music with the on-screen actions. 

Whoops, switched over to The Film Critic Collective there for a minute.  Now I'm back.  The video is after the jump.

Read more »

*sigh* Fine, I Guess We'll Talk about Kanye

If you have somehow managed to not see the video yet, you can check it out over at MTV.

Kanye West: what is he famous for, again? The last thing I heard about him (when I accidentally poked my head out of the dirt) was when he said the George Bush didn't care about black people. Anyways, I salute his attempts to derive lulz from one of the most needlessly overhyped self-masturbatory ad-festivals still alive on television today. Seriously, VMAs? In 2009 we're still doing those?

Read more »

This is What my Time Looks Like

Yes, I did download it.  No, it's not good enough to buy.  That being said, it is a mediocre dungeon crawler with enough depth to keep me occupied for a couple of hours when I have nothing else to be doing.  I just started it yesterday, hence the missing post, but things will be getting totally back on schedule starting this week.

Read more »

You Might as Well Jump! (into some Acid)

That's right, boys and girls, Blogger announced today that they're finally implementing the "Jump" feature that users of WordPress have been enjoying for some time now. The timing could not be better for me, as I just read about this today on a Math forum. After the jump is a humongous integral solution that would otherwise clog up front page and cause it to load a lot slower. ENJOY MY JUMPING!

Read more »

Sometimes My Calc. Professor Plays Baseball

I guess he likes baseball a lot, because I couldn't help but notice that he was wearing a 3/4 sleeve shirt in class today. Now, a couple of things need to be established at this point:

Read more »

The Guild: Covering up My Incompetence

I really have no idea why I am having such a difficult time getting back into the habit of updating this here blog. Here's the new episode of The Guild:

Read more »

More Lull

Actually, today was overall pretty cool. I just kind of hung around, listened to some of my favorite music, got caught up on some homework, watched some funny videos, read a bunch, and looked at some basses online. Now I'm gonna watch a cam of Extract and get a nice long sleep. I'm thinking midnight to 1, if I'm lucky.

Let's hope tomorrow is even better. Or, if it's not, then we'll return to the typical posts filled with bitterness and shattered dreams. You know, typical college stuff.

-Dave

Long Weekend Lull

A great lull, and yet no lulz to be had(I'm working on my doctoral thesis for Punology while doing my Physics B.S.). Today I woke up late, felt sick, ate some awesome tortellini soup, and then did some Diff. EQ homework. Big whoop. For the last 3 hours I've been watching Kenny vs. Spenny and loving it. That Kenny is such a trickster! And that Spenny is such a gullible borderline schizo!

Anyways, apparently the new Black Dahlia album leaked. I loved Unhallowed so much that I actually thought about downloading the leak to see if they stopped sucking since Miasma, and then this showed up:

Read more »

Not the Giving Tree

Atticus and I just had a somewhat strange conversational tangent while looking at a very confusing picture. The picture in question:



Okay, seriously. What? What do Fundamentalist Christians think that the theory of evolution actually says? And how does evolution cause inflation? And hard rock? And BOTH communism and socialism? And since when was creationism a science? I'll say it loud and say it proud: creationism is made up nonsense with no basis in reality, and you are foolish, misguided, or willfully ignorant of the facts if you continue to propagate the idea that creationism adheres to any of the rigors of modern scientific processes. Okay, we can leave the serious zone now.

Atticus: Oh, I lost feeling in my external organs a long time ago.
Atticus: Deep-fried butter wrapped in bacon for 10 years will do that to you.
Dave: Haha!
Dave: Your face fell off from gangrene.
Atticus: It was kinda neat when that happened.
Dave: Let me lick what remains.
Atticus: Now that's just kinda gross.

-Dave

Radio Killed the...Blogeo Star?

Terrible title, I'm tired. The point is, I just got done doing my first radio show for the campus radio station. Overall it went pretty well, except for some of my beautiful stammering in the beginning having to do with a combination of strangely pronounced names and my nervousness. In the beginning, one could say, my nervousness brung all the boys to the yard. Partially my fault because I'm an anxious person, and partly out of my hands because I had to rush a few things there. Oh well, I have all year to improve. Great punk music doesn't play itself on the radio!

Anyhoo, seeing as how I was doing Diff. Eq. homework most of tonight, I'm pretty tired. I have nothing more to add except today's Zero Punctuation (featuring a hilariously bad Irish accent):



Top notch stuff there, mate. Let's throw some shrimp on the barbie. And now for sleep!

-Dave

Some Joke About an Expansion Pack/Expanding Package

The first episode of The Guild season 3 went up on MSN today, and it made my day so much better. I should add that my day started out sour when I found out that I now have to go down to the bookstore on campus tomorrow and pick up a $150 book because somebody who runs the pre-order program messed up. Whoops, my life is valuable. Lol, jk bff's.

The Guild:

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=6f31eb66-4360-439a-ad62-f2bdf28f550e" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time">Video: Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time</a>


Even though September just started, it is likely that the best quote of the month will be "Remind me to take you on a road trip sometime. And by that, I mean do not remind me because I would not go. You talk a lot." That is, unless some better Vork dialogue comes up between now and then (possible).

-Dave

I Can Return from Summer Vacation, and it Ain't Butter

Yep, it's true: I'm back at school and back on your intertubes. I doubt that the other contributors will be returning since they weren't ever really contributing in the first place, and thus never actually left (first zing of the semester!). I'll be running the show around here pretty much exclusively until hopefully I can find some people who can help me make this particular corner of cyberspace self-sustaining. How many corners does cyberspace have? Your face.

So I read the news that Disney is buying Marvel today. Good, Marvel sucks anyways. Dark Horse is where it's at.



More importantly, it looks like there is another alien sci-fi movie coming out this year that may be decent. Don't get me wrong, I really doubt this could possibly be better than District 9 (best movie of the summer, fyi lol omg brb). Here's the trailer:



Holy crap, that is creepy. Is the "archival footage" real? Of course not. Is this based on some stuff that really happened? No. Did the History Channel already do a show about Ancient Aliens? Oh yeah, and it was sweet. The bottom line is that this movie seems to be trying to add more creepiness to one of the most cliched plotlines ever used in movies: aliens are out there, have found us, and wanna take some of us to their ships to do mean things to us against our will. It's like passing out at a frat party! Connections to college!

-Dave

Welcome Back Bacon

School has started and I'm going to slowly drown in a mixture of Organic Chemistry, Genetics, German, and Anthropology... and bleach. So, to help with the problem, O stumbled upon a killer flow chart. Enjoy.

-Atticus

Crossword Puzzles

One night around 4 am I was playing an Xbox Live Arcade game called "Merv Griffin's Crosswords", and I have to say, that game sucks. However I did have fun messing around with the game, apparently "buttz" isn't an answer to any of the questions. Anyways, in the end this is what I gathered:

Many Apologies

So I know that I've been pretty flaky with posting lately, but I've got excuses. Work has been pretty annoying lately, and it seems like the Blome Jeepo has decided that the needlessly inconvenient schedule of me working every other day works out great for them. I have to call them tomorrow and request off for about a week in July, though, so hopefully I'll just get fired over the phone. A man can dream, can't he?

Anyways, here is the newest Gabe and Max's Guide to Man Style video:


Rejoice at my return.

-Dave

Sometimes Eugene Mirman Makes Your High School Awesome

I wish I was at this high school in Lexington. And graduating from high school this year.



My high school just looks lamer and lamer every day.

-Dave

Making Up for Lost Time: Charm School Talk Good Someday

JK, Charm School never talk good. Something about Ashley not being Indian enough, and then there was something about Bay Bay Bay being oh-so-afraid of being murdered, so the girls did a weird cult ritual to heal her of her murder-fearing disease. Whoops, scratch that, everyone is afraid of being murdered. Nobody go to work tomorrow, just break down in tears over how horrible a person you are and let your friends pick up up like you're Jesus.

Also, Ashley, apparently the worst moment of your life thus far has been standing in a dark room. So, you know, congrats on that.



It's called empathy, guys.

-Dave

Vacation

Hello. I am at the beach down in the Outer Banks, and it is going quite well so far. I drove the interstate down and for my first experience on the interstate, it was not what I expected. First, I expected people to be flying in the passing lane with massive tractor trailers on every side of me, but what I found was that people generally went 60-70 mph and found only a few tractor trailers trying to run me off the road. Second, the roads and exit ramps are ridiculous. If you aren't paying attention, you'll be screwed. Very intense.
The day we got to the beach (Saturday) sucked. It was cold, very windy, and overall just miserable. I walked outside and almost walked back inside to get a hoodie. Sunday and Monday have been pretty good overall. Blah blah blah. I don't really feel like ranting about anything else. It is my vacation afterall, so sue me.

-Atticus

More-Famous Friday: A First

So this is the first ever trailer to be presented in MFF, but it needs to be done:

The Final Destination trailer in HD


You know how we always hang out at generic non-NASCAR races together? Yeah, this movie is totally like that. And also, remember that time that nobody has ever been pulled into a pool filter? Yeah, this movie is also totally like that. Between this and Drag Me to Hell, there won't be any Oscars left for the Dragon Ball movie. Ugh.

-Dave

New Guide to Man Style

Gabe and Max rule for making this video, I suck for posting it late:



-Dave

E3 is HappeninOH MY GOD THE FLOOD

So I read a lot of video game news, because I have no life at all, and so of course I'm aware that E3 is happening. What I was not aware of, however, was that my Google Reader would be hit by a Hurricane Katrina of updates (I'll take that Doctorate in Toosoonology now, thank you very much). Here's my quick wrap-up of today at E3:

47 new Final Fantasy 13 trailers
2 new Mario games
1 new Metroid game
800 Halo ODST updates
Assasin's Creed 2 is really coming out?

Burn it down burn it down burn it down burn it down. E3 needs to slow it down with the news, and IGN needs to shut down all the live blogging. They'll do it live, but I'll keep doing it from my notes.

-Dave

MFF: Short and Sweet and Sklar

So apparently the Sklar Brothers are still around and hilarious, as evidenced by their latest project Running Superfans (more like "Why did nobody tell me about this sooner" Superfans...right?). Plenty of clips are available on the site, but this 18 second long ADD clip seems to be the least appreciated of the bunch according to my sweep of the YouTubs this week. Enjoy it:



Also this, since apparently the Youtubs fails to understand subtlety once again:


Now of course I realize that this is an advertisement for some running shoes (Really guys? We're still selling those things? What happened to "change we can stop selling running shoes in"? Hey, I'm a straight-shooter when it comes to politics.), but it's still funny. And the Sklar Brothers need to do another stand-up special A omg S omg A omg P.

-Dave

Two Reasons My Job Rules

So here's the thing, guys, I got a job last Monday. I can't say where for legal reasons, but I can tell you that it rhymes with Blome Jeepo and is The Home Depot (my blog fought the law, and the law won). It is so ridiculous that you don't even know how ridiculous it is. These two things both happened today:

1. I stood still for two hours holding a lawnmower running in order to burn off the gas that was in it when it was returned. Because of course that is what I get paid to do.

2. Two people got in an argument over whether or not we sold pickle plants. One gentleman said that we sold them and the other disagreed. After both men called each other bastards, I got to settle the argument by saying that we sold cucumber plants and both men left feeling that they had won.

Economic crisis? Shmecomomic drysis (nailed that pun!).

-Dave

There's Something About Terminator: Salvation

I went to see this movie over the weekend and felt a great wave of MEH. Yeah, an all caps "meh". Let's rap:

1. Enough with the Jeebus references, McG. I'm not a baby, and so just one instance of Marcus Wright being place in a pseudo-crucifixion pose was quite enough of that. Actually, come to think of it, this is a Terminator movie and so zero references to Jeebus would have been fine.

2. OH MY GOD! YOU ARE THE RESISTANCE! AHHHHHH! It might have just been the theater I saw this movie in (whoops, I paid money for this, I know), but why was everything so loud? Even BatmanJohn Connor whispering into a radio was almost unbearably loud.

3. I want more motorcycle guys!

4. Two things broke the realism for me: holy crap, Kyle Reese is an Olympic marksman with every gun, and John Connor got stabbed in the heart but then instantly recovered; and then proceeded to detonate a nuke from a helicopter that was STILL OVER THE NUKE. Whoops, didn't mean to school you in nukes, but I went to Nuke Academy and got my PhD. in NuclearNookyuler Booms.

It was decently fun to see, but seriously don't spend money on this movie as long as this audio is available for free online:



This movie needed more of this happening and less of animatronic Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, pretty much anything would be better with less animatronic Governator.

-Dave

More-Famous Friday: The Snuggie is Going Down

This is to the Snuggie as the thong is to comfortable undergarments:



Congratulations, guys; we invented the robe that can become a toga. Also, undergarments? I'm getting old. How old? 90. When is Murder She Wrote coming on?

-Dave

They Finally Explained the Goat!

How I Met Your Mother season finale!

-Dave

Charm School Episode 2: My Death Broadcast in SURROUND SOUND

Here are my notes from this week's episode of SadnessCharm School with Rick Lake:

*bubbles is so stupid it's not even fun to call her stupid.

*kiki says she has a surround sound mouth. truth.


*brittaney star locked in bathroom by ashley(no clean water?), revenge:cookies in the bed, counter revenge: threw a cucumber?, counter counter: threat of fire extinguisher.

*brittaney is an apprentice to bay bay bay and so hood. bay bay bay and so hood are sith lords now and darth brittaney's power is growing.

*bubbles wants to pinkey swear to the fake headmaster of this fake school. because pinkey swears are sacred in the world of bubbles.

*has K.O been on this show the whole time? and did she say "conversate"? she should disappear again.

*"is there a ringleader"? they are all clowns equally. in the people's clown republic of charmschoolistan.

*if farrah really thinks that living in a mansion with an endless supply of utilities, food, and alcohol is jail, she needs to go to jail. a jail far away from television cameras (no spinoff for you, not yours).

*lala, what is the definition of charm school? alcohol and unwarranted self-importance?

*farrah, nobody wants to change on charm school. have you ever seen charm school?

*this show is quickly becoming a district 19-esque "us vs. them" heavey-handed metaphor for alienation. oh yeah, and some of the girls straight-up look like aliens. zing.

*crap! i wanted those 3 girls to leave the show. to be fair, i want everyone on this show to go home (or at least just the crew-out of sight, out of mind).

*kiki is gone. wow, bay bay bay got tears going before the second "k" even escaped ricki lake's strangely thing botoxed lips.

*"ricki has a whirlpool over her eyes".

The new shipment of suicide just came in. There's enough for everybody.

-Dave

No Title

I lack a title for today's post because...well...there isn't much I can use about this post.

First, I hate being sick. I'm not sure what I have, but it sucks. I started getting sick last Thursday and it has progressed to a stage where I've lost my voice. Not only this, but I have to go outside and work tomorrow morning...at 7...under a freezing warning. That means it might be in the 30 degree range when I go outside. Great, just what I need: to get anally raped by this city's extreme fluctuations in temperature as I'm finally starting to get over a cold. Just. Dandy.

And, this song has been stuck in my head for the last weekish. I really enjoy it.



-Atticus

More-Famous Friday: International Relations 101

Civilized nations of the world, this is a call to arms. We can no longer stand idly by while these monsters paralyze the citizens of the world with fear. Gather your strongest and bravest soldiers and prepare them for the most important mission of their lives. Let's burn France down.



Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

-Dave

Sometimes DJs Remix Slap Chop Commercials

Truth:



-Dave

Charm School, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Sisbot was sitting around the house earlier tonight when, all of a sudden, I blacked out for an hour. Upon regaining consciousness, I learned that during this same hour VH1's new season of Charm School with Ricki Lake was being broadcast. While I cannot conclusively draw a cause-and-effect relationship between these two events, I felt it would be important to note this strange coincidence in case it serves as a warning sign to future generations of half-insane blogger physicists (so many of those, I know).

Anyways, there was a very heated exchange of words between two of the contestants literally 10 minutes into the show which cemented its hilarity (Did I type hilarity? I meant sadlarity.) Nonsense nonsense nonsense, then someone's hair got pulled and one girl got eliminated for getting drunk on the first night.

I think I'm gonna start trying to write about this show every week, because it seems like it might be a veritable lulz factory. These lulz melt in your mouth, not in your hand. I'm so sorry.

-Dave

Sparky and Prom

Hey there. I just want to let all you people know that I hate you and hope you never talk to me again.

Now that that rant is out of my system, time to get to my actual rant. As I've mentioned before, I spent all of last week working with an extremely annoying kid named Sparky. In short, Sparky made me want to quit my job. I can barely look at him without having the urge to punch him, but thankfully my self-control held me back. So today, my boss came up to me and said he is rotating me out for another kid to be tortured by Sparky. I literally almost cried. That one moment has made it official that there is a merciful God. As much as I hate working with, let alone being near, Sparky, I've developed a good strategy to tolerate him: completely and utterly ignore him. We have noise silencing headphones since all we do is mow and weed whack, so I put my earphones from my ipod into the headphones and listen to music all day. Sparky tries to get me to do stuff by attempting crude charades, but I just ignore him. It works quite well.

In other news, this past weekend was my girlfriend's prom. All in all, it was a good time. I'm pissed tired, but its good. I got to play with a bonfire at 1:00 in the morning while a bunch of girls with extremely flammable hair freaked out as sparks flared. Life becomes hilarious when you can barely see straight and you have control of fire.

-Atticus

This Looks Funny

First of all, sorry about the recent lack of updates. Stuff here has been kind of hectic, what with me getting settled in and seeing a bunch of people at home here. Our normal post-structural post-feminist post-Marxist critique of a world in post-industrial postmodern decline through detailed analysis of YouTube videos of people falling over will resume shortly.

Woody Allen's new movie Whatever Works now has a trailer up and looks pretty funny. I'm not really sure what else to say about that. This blog is cynical and it's a cynical movie.



-Dave

Review: 50 Cent:Blood on the Sand

Recently I rented the game 50 Cent BoS. At first, I wanted to play it as a joke, because seriously it's a game where you play as a rapper who, "Needs to get that skull back." I soon realized, maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea to rent it. The game is surprisingly... good. I know, shocking. Of course, I still can't take them game seriously. The graphics are good, the controls are good, the gameplay is just gangsta' fun. There's a taunt button which just makes 50 swear, I hit it throughout most of the game and still find it funny. If I were to give it a score out of 10, it would be an 8. Go check the game out, and get ready to laugh.
-Alex

Good to be Home

I'm back home after the 8 hour drive, and it feels pretty nice to be back and see everyone. We'll see how long that feeling lasts. I give it a week and also new Mighty Boosh episode is up.

-Dave

I Hate It

We need to burn it all down NOW.

-Dave

I am Disappointed in BitTorrent

Really, pirates? Really? Downloading Fast and Furious 4, Crank 2, Underworldshutupshutupshutpshutup, Paul Blart, or Blah Blah Old Baby would be like hijacking a ship to steal the dirty laundry. Swashbuckling metaphors, I know.

-Dave

Holy Crap

Today at work, a new kid came in to join the ground's maintenance, which I am a part of. Apparently, he worked last year, and "knows the ropes" around the campus. Holy piss. This guy is so freaking annoying! I had to spend 8 hours with this douchebag in a little cart, driving bags of blankets around campus. If there is there anyone who is more of a meathead, they should be shot... right now... because this guy is that absurd. Let me explain...

Everyone calls him "Sparky" because he is so hyper and energetic all day, even at 7 AM! There isn't much more than having a jumping pile of muscles with the IQ of a sack of rotten potatoes asking you questions about your life at 7:00 in the morning. So we start delivering these bags of blankets, and the bags are maybe 5 or so pounds per bag, and I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me... or flirt with me (I really hope not), but he was throwing all these bags, almost shot putting them, decent distances and up stairs. I just looked at him and thought 'wow, you really do suck as much as everyone says.' (By the by, almost everyone hates him. I am not alone.) So as we are delivering these bags, a couple of blankets fall out onto the dirty, water-covered road (because, of course, it has been raining all day), and Sparky's first idea is to destroy the evidence, i.e. all 5 blankets that fell onto the road. I refused to let him do that, to which he proceeded to scold me saying that I should listen to him because he "knows what he is talking about." I am almost certain that someone is going to notice us try to throw away, if not find those blankets when they are pitched and then who is going to get in trouble? No, its not Santa, no its not Numa-Numa man, that's right! It will be me. That is exactly what I need: to be fired on my 6th day of work because some douche-hole of a meathead decided it would be better to dispose of campus possessions instead of washing them, like we are supposed to do when something like that happens. After that incident, he continued to scold me every hourish about that, when I just saved both our butts from getting canned. I seriously just want to hurt him, perhaps knock him out of the cart and drive away...or better yet, knock him out of the cart, into the 700ish acres of forest my campus possesses, and throw stuff at him. If this summer ever ends, it won't come soon enough.

-Atticus

Jimmy Fallon Awkwardly Interviews Someone who isn't Tim and Eric

Now you all know how I feel about Jimmy Fallon, but I used to be able to tolerate Morgan Webb on X-Play. Please, nobody watch that new G4 show. Oh wait, just like all their other shows, I'm sure you're all already taking care of that.

Also, what is up with Ice-T? Keeping it gangster with Jimmy Fallon and Elmo, I guess. He did make his contractually required "hood" (TM) references, though, so everything turned out alright in the end.

-Dave

I'm Busy, Here's a Song

-Dave

I went to DC

I walked around and did the usual things people do in DC, goof off and do stupid stuff in museums. I also visited a place called the "Sculpture Garden." It had things that looked like sculptures, and then it had things like this:
This thing is called "Untitled" by Ellsworth Kelly. My mind was blown, is this really here? Did this thing really cost someone money? Do people really consider this a sculpture, or art? I looked into it, and it turns out Mr. Kelly makes a lot more of things that you thought were to teach kindergartners their colors. Here is more of his "work."
Art at it's best. However, in my time in DC I did find some real art.
Now, this, is art.

-Alex

Studying for Finals and ALIENS!

I dunno what it is about this summer that's making great movies come out (The Hunt for Gollum, anyone?), but I love it. Look at that freaking space ship:



And they have a viral marketing campaign? I need to see this movie.

Oh, also it's a metaphor for racism. Aliens with tentacle mouths are quite subtle, so I figured I would put my degree in literature from Lulz U. to work for me by analyzing the pants off of that movie. You know, movie pants-offing.

-Dave

Holy Crap, LOTR Fan Movie

The awesome trailer:



The copyright infringement is dwarfed by the awesomeness, your honor. I rest my case. (And that's the story of how I got my doctorate in lawyerhood from Columbia).

-Dave

Day of Reckoning

Today was the last day of classes for me here, and I have to say that overall it's been a pretty enjoyable experience. Now I've got no classes for the next 4 days and then 3 finals Monday and Tuesday and then I'll be heading back home on Wednesday. With that in mind, I leave you with perhaps the craziest 11 seconds of local-only aired television ever:



I'll still post over the next few days, but in all likelihood they'll be shorter. You know, due to all the studying and ripping out of my hair. Hair makes keys hard to use.

My hairy keyboard brings all the boys to the yard.

-Dave

How Much Free Time is Too Much?

So I don't have a Facebook. That's really all the introduction that this conversation needs:

Atticus: you outcast!
Atticus: go to your cave!
Atticus: take your leprosy with you too!
Dave: you have facial AIDS
Dave: so i'll count my blessings about only having leprosy
Atticus: at least my arm won’t fall off!
Atticus: take that!
Dave: leprosy can be cured
Dave: AIDS is forever
Dave: like a diamond
Dave: except it slowly eats you away inside
Dave: so in that case, AIDS is more like food laced with fiberglass
Dave: it's definitely either a diamond or food laced with fiberglass
Dave: one or the other
Atticus: is it tasty food?
Dave: it's pretty meh
Atticus: darn
Dave: there is no upside to facial AIDS
Atticus: chyeah there is
Atticus: i have a disease that as an acronym can have an entirely different meaning
Dave: FAIDS?
Atticus: you suck!
Dave: what?
Dave: that would be the acronym for facial aids
Atticus: dave, aids is aids
Dave: yeah
Dave: but faids is facial aids
Dave: IT GOES ON YA FACE
Atticus: there is no such thing as aids specifically for one's face, bc even if it started in the face, it would move to the rest of the body
Dave: nope
Dave: your aids is the emergence of a new strain
Dave: excuse me, your faids is a new strain
Dave: it is contained within the facial region
Dave: the facial cavity
Atticus: you literally think way too into insults towards me
Dave: what else do i have to spend my time on?
Atticus: true
Dave: exactly
Dave: that's a double paradox
Atticus: you are a double paradox

-Dave

Summer Job

Ok, Today was my second day at my brand new summer job working ground's maintenance for my college. Not going to lie, it sucks... to a degree. I love being outside all day, and I love getting paid to exercise, but they work me and my fellow workers as slaves. AND I'm getting minimum wage, to add a cherry to the top of the turd of a summer job I have. I know I should be happy for even having a job, and granted I take advantage of a lot of stuff I should be thankful for, but this job is killer. I have to wake up at 5:45 in the morning to be at work at 7:00. Today, I mowed grass for 5 hours in the morning, and then carried buckets of water around to water the million flower pots we have. I'm quite sore. But all is good, the job isn't terrible, and I'm working with cool people. I just hope my legs don't fall off.

Atticus

The World's Most Influential (Sort of) Person

That's right, Moot was voted the World's Most Influential Person in the Time Magazine poll for this year. I guess you could say that Time Magazine accidentally the whole poll.

Let's burn this whole internet to the ground. Except for this picture (probably my favorite product of the Xzibit meme):


I'll get some torches.

-Dave

Physics is Garbage Collecting, Basically

I again spent all day studying for my Physics test tomorrow and can say with certainty that it was still better than studying Bio for even an hour. Delta's and psi's and phi's, oh my!

Sorry about that, I'm slowly going insane from the heat. Oh yeah, it was just as hot out today as it was yesterday. The only difference is that today I actually had to walk places. In short:


One thing that did catch my attention, though, was something someone said at the review session for the test earlier tonight. Random people were walking by with boxes of stuff and, in an attempt to get some of it, he said "We're Physics majors, we'll take anything we can get," which is true enough (although who doesn't like free crap?), but he continued "and never throw it away."



What?

-Dave

How I Survived the Heat by Killing Myself

IT WAS 87 DEGREES OUTSIDE TODAY. It's almost midnight and it's still 70 degrees outside. You guys, I think I might have moved to Arizona accidentally because New York is not supposed to get like this. It should always be cold, rainy, and filled with people that have silly overly dramatic accents.

I woke up sweaty at 8 AM and then woke up repeatedly between 9 and 12:30 when I finally got up because I couldn't stand to lay still anymore. Did I enjoy the sunny day? No, I hate hot weather and was studying for a Physics test on Monday while sitting in front of my fan on high today. Oh yeah, and my allergies started acting up. Indeed, it was just as soul-crushingly miserable as it sounds (well, at least it wasn't Biology I guess). Anyways, I've got more studying to do tomorrow, so I'll just leave you with this:



My goodness they went downhill after Barely Legal. That album got me through today for sure. It is amazingly catchy and energetic, and it's really the only CD of theirs you need to bother with.

-Dave

More-Famous Friday: Watch This Movie

Primer, for those of you who do not know (all of you), was a movie about time travel made in 2004. It's budget was only $7,000 and it was still an excellent movie. It won the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival when it was released, and seems to have gained quite a large cult following since then. Here's the trailer:



I just watched it Wednesday at a club meeting, and holy crap was it excellent. I was actually following most of it (with the help of 2 people who had seen the movie before) until they said that one of the characters traveled back in time with a disassembled time machine; that prospect blew my mind.

Then someone said that they believe that the movie is an infinite loop due to some interesting details which I'll not spoil for you all here. How is my mind, you ask? BLOWNED! See this movie immediately. I'll even go so far as to say that this movie is worth buying the DVD. Yeah, it's that good.

-Dave

Real Men of Genius: Dane Cook's Brother-in-Law

We salute you, Mr. Embezzle Millions of Dollars from My Disgraceful-Excuse-for-a-Human-Being Half-Brother. Allegedly.

-Dave

Very Busy, I'm a Jerk

Dave: so this is just another bullet item on the long list of reasons that biology sucks
Dave: the professor sent out an email today practically begging people to fill out this survey about the class for 10 bonus points
Dave: and the survey has been up for almost a month now
Atticus: hahahaha
Atticus: ouch
Atticus: that just means the people in your class suck
Dave: nope
Dave: it's the science
Dave: you couldn't keep physics students away from a 10 bonus point survey with a stick
Dave: or a gun
Atticus: lol
Atticus: i was referring to the kids in your bio class
Dave: i know
Dave: and i defeated your point with a funny metaphor involving guns
Dave: you know how debate works
Atticus: i miss debating
Dave: Who is Deb Ating?
Dave: do we know anyone named Deb?
Atticus: you are such a jerk

-Dave

Jimmy Fallon Laughing and Not Ruining a Sketch

Debbie Downer @ Yahoo! Video

Now I know what you're probably thinking, "When doesn't Jimmy Fallon laugh and ruin a sketch?" BUT WAIT. This sketch featuring the endearing Debbie Downer (one of my favorite recurring characters on SNL) proves that it is indeed possible for Jimmy "I laugh when I shouldn't" Fallon to laugh when he shouldn't without ruining the whole sketch. In fact, I think that everybody struggling to stay composed adds to the hilarity.

-Dave

New ATHF, Shutup and Watch It

Here's how this latest episode started:

Vegetables are indeed the core of the universe. On a side note, I hate Biology and have a test in it tomorrow. Plants are biological, so I hate them too. You know how science works.

-Dave

"Crank 2" Is An Epic of Sleazy Failurism

So, while I have yet to see the masterpiece-candidate Crank 2, I have already weighed in on it. Apparently some people have now fallen for the same stupid excuse that Snakes on a Plane used to redeem itself; yes, I'm looking at you, io9.

Just as Snacks on a Plane was a terrible movie, Crank 2 is terrible. I haven't seen it, you haven't seen it, let's just agree to agree that it's terrible. What Crank 2 is not, however, is an ironic meta-comedy commentary on the ridiculous nature of action films today. No meta-commentary, Crank 2, not yours.

So imagine my surprise when I started reading reviews that touted it as such. For instance, you can read io9's full review here. Get it right, internet! Snakes on a Plane was just a terrible movie and so is Crank 2 (and Crank 1, for that matter). If you want a cheek-in-tongue action movie, shut your stupid faces and go see Shoot 'Em Up and enjoy that like I did, veggie deaths and all.

-Dave

Finals + Post = BACON TORCH

It is the weekend before my finals, and I am busier than Rosie O'Donnell with a packet of maple syrup-covered hot dog buns. But as my obligation to post to this blugzosphere we call the sandwich, here is something pretty amazing.



Think, the cucumber-bacon flamethrower. I think we should invest in this...why? Who cares, just do it. Fire is amazing.

-Atticus

Observe and Depress

I just finished watching one of the many cam versions of Observe and Report (whoops, piracy is bad, yadda yadda yadda), and my overall impression of it was that it was just depressing. The majority of the dialogue wasn't funny, and I could tell most of the jokes that were going to be made by/about the majority of the characters. The Brandy subplot was more annoying than entertaining, and I still fail to understand why Detective Harrison hated Ronnie so much. Something about having to spend his whole day at the mall or whatever. Blah blah blah I hate easy days at work too. Oh wait, all my days at work are easy and I love it. Ha!

On the positive side, every scene involving Aziz Ansari was funny, as would be expected from a scene involving Aziz Ansari. Oh, and that also goes for the cop with the big mustache, which I believe went unnamed throughout.

Despite Seth Rogen's presence in this movie, it fell way flat for me. Then again, I thought that Pineapple Express was so good that I may have had unrealistic hopes for this movie.

Addressing the "dark comedy" aspect of this movie would be like addressing the "photorealistic" aspect of the Teletubbies. It was clear that this is what the movie was reaching for, since most of the time the characters' flaws were the butts of the jokes, but I didn't care at all about any of them (as opposed to other movies whose characters I care deeply about, I know). They just weren't realistic enough for me to feel guilty at all about laughing when Ronnie's mental health was mocked, for instance. I just felt annoyed that the joke wasn't better.

I guess you should see this movie if you love Seth Rogen, or if you watch it for free, but I would have been very annoyed if I had spent the $10 to see this in a theater. Whoops, Seth Rogen, that's your movie that you had to put work into and pretend to enjoy. I'm sure he'll feel that burn as he lays on his bed of money and diamonds tonight.

-Dave

More-Famous Friday: My Series, Let me Share You It

I have to admit, I've been following this new web series for a little bit now. It's called Player Haters, and it's basically an animated version of The Guild. It really sealed the deal when I saw that this latest episode deeply involved a certain Mister John Madden. The football guy or whatever. Honestly, I wouldn't know him if I hadn't played some of the Madden games, but enjoy:



Lame title pun aside, this series needs more viewers. 5800 views for a video which refers to John Madden as "eyebrows here"? And mentions the time Brett Favre made love to a horse with a football? Sandwich, pleeze.

-Dave

WTF Indeed

This seems like it could be a sketch on The Mighty Boosh, that's how much it warped my reality.

Seriously, though, does anyone else think that "pickle surprise" sounds like a euphemism for rape? No? It's just me? Hayum.

-Dave

Fallon? More Like Jimmy Fails On This Interview

Tim and Eric were on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night promoting Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, which is perhaps the best show currently on television. What's that, you haven't had the motivation to watch this season? Then let me present you with Spagett to motivate you:

Now don't you feel ridiculous? But back to the original point here, Jimmy Fallon sucks. The people submit into evidence the following video:



Your honor (we're in Blog Court, so it's time to be formal), this video gives irrefutible evidence that Jimmy Fallon knowingly and willingly attempted to kill lulz. The people strongly urge for death. Or the cancellation of his television show.

And yes, I could have gotten a non-watermarked video, but Videogum was the first site that had the video up when I was looking for it this morning, so kudos to them!

-Dave

Antiwhat?

Seriously:



My favorite part is the two overlapping screams. They harmonize quite well. That aside, though, what? What is this movie going to be about? Here are my notes from the trailers (I actually took these notes while watching the trailer, because I'm cool like that):

*Everything is tinted gray, and it looks sort of like the Blair Witch Project.
*The woman is getting too much medication (probably in an attempt to cure her grayness).
*Is that Willem Dafoe? Does he ever age?
*Two people go to a cabin in the woods.
*"Nature is Satan's church"? You can't just say things like that without an explanation.
*OMG dramatic look backwards.
*Sex in the tree of hands is weird.

This movie doesn't have a studio in the US yet, but I think we all might need to take a trip to the BitTorrent store to watch it anyways. I mean wait for it to come to theaters. Theaters aren't part of nature, so they're not part of Satan's church (and that's probably a good thing, right?).

-Dave

More of What This Blog Could Be

Here's a quick rundown of SNL this week from what I saw making the rounds in the blugzosphere (TM):

Zac Efron ruined every sketch he was in.
That lady with the crazy clothes did her zombie moaning rendition of "Maps".
SNL once again provided a clear road map of how this blog needs to develop by bringing back the blogger character from last week.



Sandwich, pleeeeeeeze. Zac Efron? Get out of here before Michael Cera and I murder you.

-Dave

Rule Number 1 of Viral Marketing Club

You do not talk about Viral Marketing Club What? This video made me re-evaluate my perspective on life because...what? Just watch it:



Hot flashes, get it? Because those are things that happen! BUY LAYS BECAUSE HOT FLASHES HAPPEN AND SOME WOMEN DON'T KNOW THEIR OWN PHYSIOLOGY. Hey guys, is that sexist? Guys? Guys? I think that might be sexist.

-Dave

Taking the Musket from Charlton Heston's Cold Dead Hands

So I read about this today:

A Confederate re-enactor has pleaded not guilty to reckless handling of a firearm in the accidental shooting of a Union re-enactor during the filming of a Civil War documentary in September.

Joshua Owen Silva of Norfolk appeared in court Wednesday on the misdemeanor charge, which stemmed from the shooting of 72-year-old Thomas Lord Sr. of Suffolk. A June 24 trial date was set, but prosecutors say they hope to reach a plea agreement with Silva before that.

Lord was struck in the right shoulder by a .45-caliber musket ball during the filming of the "Civil War Overland Campaign Web Series Project." He was treated at a local hospital and released.

All I have to say is that I told you so.

The South is coming back, and in full force. Sort of. With the force of a security researcher and one guy with a musket. My Southshakes bring all the boys to the yard.

-Dave

USA! USA! USA!

My goodness. I've spent the last 20 minutes looking up ridiculous concoctions of food equaling at least a literal heart-attack and and half. It started from this fark link. The 5/3 burger. This alone is stomach churning enough to make me run away, but thanks to the wonderful, yet slightly cynical posters on fark, I have stumbled upon this. This is why you're fat.




















The 10,000 calorie sandwich.

This is why you're fat.




















The 60 pound rice krispie treat


And most importantly, this is why you're fat!


















The Meat Ship!!!

Let this be a message for you people, let the professionals ruin their lives by joining the crew of the SS Meat Ship. Now if you'll excuse, I think I hear death calling on half of America's front doors.

-Atticus

And just because I love you all so very very much.

More-Famous Friday: A Rare Victory for Atticus

I have to concede that this is the first MFF video which Atticus saw before I was able to send it to him, and yet it has only 7200 views on YouTube? What is wrong with the tubes today? The dark places and obscure videos are my realm.


Mortal Kombat references aside (GET OVER HERE! It's 1995! Isn't Windows 95 great?), here's the unbelievable video of Vince selling the Slap Chop. In Spanish.



Judging from the production values of this commercial, the window budget might have been the biggest expense. You know how Spanish-speakers are, breaking windows all the time and whatnot. You know.

-Dave

Post 201

I was browsing Hulu today looking back at the glory days of SNL, otherwise known as the time when Will Ferrell was on it. This is quite a powerful commentary on the bleakness of suburban family life in a post-industrial America on the verge of cultural collapse. Also, apparently he drives a Dodge Stratus.



In newer SNL news, I just realized that this is basically what I do here except that I don't have as cool of a catch phrase:



We need to increase the pretentiousness factor at least tenfold on this blog. Um...oh! I know! I'll start raving about how Animal Collective's early work was mind-blowing, but how lately they've abandoned the sound that they perfected. You know how us New Yorkers are, 9/11 and all that.

-Dave

The South will Rise Again...but Slowly

From Slashdot:

Security researcher Jack Louis, who had discovered several serious security flaws in TCP software was killed in a fire on the ides of March, dealing a blow to efforts to repair the problem. Although he kept good notes and had communicated with a number of vendors, he died before fixes could be created and prior to completing research on a number of additional vulnerabilities. Much of the work has been taken over by Louis' friend and long-time colleague Robert E. Lee.

In other news, it is expected that the Fugitive Slave Law could increase tensions between the North and the South.



Also questionable is the article's use of the phrase of "killed in a fire" rather than "died in a fire". Unless someone purposely lit him on fire specifically, he died in a fire. Or maybe someone strangled him inside of a burning room, in which case he would have indeed been killed while in a fire. You guys know how techlology works: fire murders and whatnot.

-Dave

Home Depot is Serious BusinessNine Eleven

I was filling out a job application for Home Depot online today (indeed a fitting job for a physicist-shut up hippie), when I suddenly encountered what appeared to be a complex series of questions meant to test my comprehension of the English language. Do I have a screenshot? Of course I do, kiddos. The directions for this particular section were to arrange the choices in alphabetical order:



Holy crap. I think I got that first one wrong because there was no system set up which I could use to prioritize the numbers after the dash in relation to the numbers before it. How would you answer that question? Honestly, I don't think that it's possible to correctly answer without some kind of further instructions. My Anglish are well.

This reminds me of a story that my current Physics professor told my class about our former Physics professor, easily one of the smartest individuals I have ever met. Our current professor was in a department meeting with the rest of the Physics department and asked them one of our homework questions involving a circuit in which was partially contained within a changing magnetic field (Farady's Law, blah blah blah). Two or three got it right, 10 or so missed it, and former professor abstained. His reason? The problem did not specify that the circuit was in a plane.

This blog is not in a plane (aero or otherwise).

-Dave

This Guy is a Total Biolojerk

You know what? Screw you guys. You fail to recognize my genius. I called Atticus a biolojerk in a conversation we were having today comparing physics to biology (more like, boringology, am I right?) and got nothing in return (except for my test in it tomorrow). In an attempt to show just how original this remark was, I would like to include a slightly modified picture which came up in the Google Image search for "biolojerk":



Dare ya to eat with it.

-Dave

Sometimes Video Rants about Denny's Just Speak for Themselves

You're welcome.

-Dave

Fred Made a Funny Video for Once

I hate Fred with such a deep deep passion that I'm kind of upset with myself because of how funny this video is:



Those head things are creepy. That'll do Fred, that'll do.

-Dave

I'm Not Dead, Not Yet

Hello all you little minions of the internet, it is me, Atticus, coming back from the dead to tell you hi. And for you to stop raping my girlfriend, who is also dead. Super cereal, you are just as much as an inconvenience as having Johnny Depp following you around repeating everything you say in a pirate accent. But that's off topic - I have come here to bring you misery and hatred. Do you remember that terrible, but addicting song by The Police - "Message in a Bottle?" If not, you do now. Ironically, someone actually put a message in a bottle and sent it down the river. Here is the link to the actual story.

Sappy. I know.

This story, I care not for. Rather, I care for the comments made by Farkers. Especially this one by a certain CrazyCurt:

"Grrr. The USPS. Grrr.

I have been expecting a letter for a week. It should be here. Days ago it should have been here. It's not here. Three things could've happened.

1) one of the various postal delivery persons ( they change almost daily ) probably put the letter in the middle of a giant wad of junk mail and I never saw it. See, the mailboxes at this complex are the ancient, upright little metal lid boxes about 1.5 feet high and maybe 4 inches wide. There is no room to put the gigantic log of advertising inserts anywhere, so the delivery folks crunch it into a wad -- after putting important letters in the middle of said wad. Seen this many times.

2) Letter got delivered to wrong apartment, again. For some reason some of the delivery personel can't differentiate between, say, the letters J and R. It's like they can't read or speak English. Oh, wait ... nevermind, most are Latino or Asian, they probably can't. If delivered to some of my neighbors by mistake, as has also happened before like the previous example, letters gone, it had money in it, and these low-lifes around here open other peoples' misdelivered mail.

3) Lost by the postal service. Every year one or two letters sent to me vanish. Simply vanish. Usually it's cards with a little cash in them. Funny how that works, isn't it? So if you Farkers want to send someone a birthday or christmas card with some dough in it, forget it. Postal employees look for those and some have been known to make a quick buck. Or the letter fell out of a basket or box or cart. Once I was waiting on a letter for two weeks. It finally came, but had been ripped and had tire marks and dirt all over the envelope. I wondered if they had taken the mail to an offroad 4-wheelin' event.

No more of this crap. I am using online services from now on. You can't trust the USPS, as too many hands are involved with one delivery, and some of those hands may be operated by a corrupt criminal, illiterate immigrant or plain clumbsy dunderhead.

/ and there is word they are merging with FedEx. Holy crap that is really bad news."

First off, does your life suck that much that you feel the need to spill your life story to people who will take what you say and destroy for their own gain? Apparently. Another thing, if you don't like the postal system, you are not alone, but seriously, you just suck. And as always, thank you CrazyCurt for bringing us the news of why you are you and why no one cares about your complaints with the postal system.

In other news, I'm almost out for summer (yay) but I have 8 exams/finals to go through in the next three weeks before that actually comes (boo!). In all honesty, life is like CrazyCurt and the postal system, pick the wrong mailcarrier and you are screwed. Or not.

-Atticus

More-Famous Friday: NO IT'S NOT

Now I'm not here to say that this atheist's video is right or wrong about the logical fallacies presented by the original poster (this atheist's video is right about the logical fallacies). Mostly I'm here to comment on his face. The people present Exhibit A:


Now, the thing about making a face like this is that it makes me want to strap you down and put one of those masks on your face that they put over Hannibal Lecter's mouth to keep him from biting people. Yeah, you look like a crazy fictional cannibal. I bet that stung.


I DESTROY YOUR FALSE DICHOTOMY WITH MY MIND.

Moving on:

The problem with this face is that it doesn't match up with the word that he says immediately after, which is "What?" That is a sad puppy dog face.


Now, I have to admit that I probably made a face similar to this when I heard the Christian guy claim to have used logic to prove that there is at least a 51% chance that there is a god. But still. I'm a blogger, so I have the privilege of being able to point my eye lasers at all YouTubers who annoy me (just kidding, if I could laser people on YouTube who annoy me the streets would run red with blood).


Holy crap, his arms became light beams. This kid just disproved his own argument by revealing himself to be the devil.


Ah, finally we've reached a resolution and the acid kicked in.

But it's time that I leave this kid alone. He's just expressing his opinions on the internet. Besides, he and his cracking voice have appointments to appear in all the Harry Potter fanfic movies tomorrow morning. I better let him get the sleep that he'll need for that.

-Dave

Sacha Baron Cohen Takes Over the Internet Again

So here's the red band trailer for Bruno, on the off chance that you are new to the internet today (many thanks to Videogum for stripping the MySpace age verification off of the video):



We need to see this movie together. You tell me when you're free, since I think it's already been made abundantly clear that my life consists of mocking YouTube divas and pointing out Harry Potter movie spoilers. You know how college is. How many links to old posts can I include in a single post?

-Dave