The Guild: Covering up My Incompetence

I really have no idea why I am having such a difficult time getting back into the habit of updating this here blog. Here's the new episode of The Guild:

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Some Joke About an Expansion Pack/Expanding Package

The first episode of The Guild season 3 went up on MSN today, and it made my day so much better. I should add that my day started out sour when I found out that I now have to go down to the bookstore on campus tomorrow and pick up a $150 book because somebody who runs the pre-order program messed up. Whoops, my life is valuable. Lol, jk bff's.

The Guild:

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&amp;vid=6f31eb66-4360-439a-ad62-f2bdf28f550e" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time">Video: Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time</a>


Even though September just started, it is likely that the best quote of the month will be "Remind me to take you on a road trip sometime. And by that, I mean do not remind me because I would not go. You talk a lot." That is, unless some better Vork dialogue comes up between now and then (possible).

-Dave

Jimmy Fallon Laughing and Not Ruining a Sketch

Debbie Downer @ Yahoo! Video

Now I know what you're probably thinking, "When doesn't Jimmy Fallon laugh and ruin a sketch?" BUT WAIT. This sketch featuring the endearing Debbie Downer (one of my favorite recurring characters on SNL) proves that it is indeed possible for Jimmy "I laugh when I shouldn't" Fallon to laugh when he shouldn't without ruining the whole sketch. In fact, I think that everybody struggling to stay composed adds to the hilarity.

-Dave

Finals + Post = BACON TORCH

It is the weekend before my finals, and I am busier than Rosie O'Donnell with a packet of maple syrup-covered hot dog buns. But as my obligation to post to this blugzosphere we call the sandwich, here is something pretty amazing.



Think, the cucumber-bacon flamethrower. I think we should invest in this...why? Who cares, just do it. Fire is amazing.

-Atticus

More of What This Blog Could Be

Here's a quick rundown of SNL this week from what I saw making the rounds in the blugzosphere (TM):

Zac Efron ruined every sketch he was in.
That lady with the crazy clothes did her zombie moaning rendition of "Maps".
SNL once again provided a clear road map of how this blog needs to develop by bringing back the blogger character from last week.



Sandwich, pleeeeeeeze. Zac Efron? Get out of here before Michael Cera and I murder you.

-Dave

Post 201

I was browsing Hulu today looking back at the glory days of SNL, otherwise known as the time when Will Ferrell was on it. This is quite a powerful commentary on the bleakness of suburban family life in a post-industrial America on the verge of cultural collapse. Also, apparently he drives a Dodge Stratus.



In newer SNL news, I just realized that this is basically what I do here except that I don't have as cool of a catch phrase:



We need to increase the pretentiousness factor at least tenfold on this blog. Um...oh! I know! I'll start raving about how Animal Collective's early work was mind-blowing, but how lately they've abandoned the sound that they perfected. You know how us New Yorkers are, 9/11 and all that.

-Dave

We Need to Start Watching Dateline, You Guys

This video has been burning up my internets today, and it is just perfect.



Fake Keith Morrison is definitely better than Jim Morrison ever was. That's right, you heard it here first: The Doors suck. Always have, always will.

-Dave

Thanks for the YouTube, now Get Back in the Shed

The retard shed. Right now I'm watching The Bridge on the Youtubs (Part 1 of 10 here). Is it pretentious and a bit over the top? Check. Is it probably insensitive the the victims' families? Check. Do all of the interviews with the victims' families make them seem like morons? Check. Hilarious comments? Check. From Part 5:

damn that cop was a fat ass

AND now she is in a suicide pact with her friends...:( lmao

Uh, are you allowed to do a frowny emoticon and then type "lmao"? I'm almost certain that you can go to keyboard jail for that if the keyboard police catch you. (Keyboard) Anarchy in the YouTube! Sid Vicious would be proud, except that he's dead. Not from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge, though. Don't worry, this whole post isn't just about my new spinoff blog The Suicidewich Collective.

Is the focus of this video the Dramatic Hamster parody, or the Thousand Island? Besides, Thousand Island dressing sucks.

Another unsolved mystery.

In other news, I watched Saw V and Burn After Reading online. Everyone involved with Saw V should be ashamed. I feel like I've dishonored my family by even talking about it. Burn After Reading was hilarious, and I highly recommend it. Whoops, I mean piracy is bad.

-Dave

Cognitive Diss-Bo-nance

And I should hate Bo Burnham too, but I just can't. I shouldn't find his songs funny at all, but I do. Ah! Cognitive dissonance caused by the Youtubs! Fine, just watch the video and get away from me.

Oh, at least I can say that I hate his ironic t-shirt. I'm sure his success felt the sting from that.

Calculus final and a Physics test tomorrow. Whoops, I'm gonna go study so I don't get killed out of college. No, that wasn't a typo. I fear for my life.

-Dave

More-Famous Friday

Today's video is from a Japanese hidden camera show, and it's funny for a bunch of reasons.



The first reason this is funny is the tittle of it: "funny Japanese hippen camera show". Both the ridiculous choice of capitalizing "Japanese" and the use of mirror image letters for "d" make that funny.

As for the video itself, it's your pretty standard Japanese prank show content. Most of those stunts seem like they could've caused some serious injury to the victims. Also, you can tell that it always takes the people a moment to realize that it isn't actually a monster. I think the guy throwing bowling balls at people's faces was my favorite. 5 views is the best you can do, Internet? Make this video more famous.

-Dave

AC/DC: Black Ice (Cream in Brian Johnson's Mouth)

It has come to my attention that Bon Scott still has not risen from the dead. It'll happen, don't worry. You can't keep that much rock in the dirt (because those are both things on the ground! Right guys? Guys?). I don't want to say that Brian Johnson is a terrible replacement, but he just doesn't have the same energy as Mr. Scott. Plus, why does it always look like he's got an M-80 going off in his mouth? Exhibit A:


Oh yeah, and his mouth is the singularity from the Matrix, apparently. (Insert pseudo-philosophical explanation that would only make sense to a bunch of art students in a New York City Starbucks on a Wednesday afternoon while somebody plays the acoustic guitar poorly in the background).

Then, there's this:


Mum unna highwaynuh hale, indeed! Did I see some cake fall out of his mouth there? This would be really hilarious if it didn't bring up a serious question: will any of Black Ice be understandable, or will it just be a bunch of sweet guitar solos with this guy Wharrgarbling over top of them? If so, someone please give me that karaoke version of that CD. Seriously, though, if I hadn't been able to understand the few times that he said the word "down" in relation to when he said "Highway to Hell," I would've had to question whether they were actually playing the right song.

How much money did Brian Johnson make this week? Probably a lot more than words he can properly enunciate. This is an open message to Brian Johnson: I will teach you how to speak if you give me some money. What else are you gonna spend it on? Seriously, what? Muzzy? Not a bad idea, actually.

While I've got your attention, I'd also like to say lose the hat. We know you're going bald, and you don't need to try to hide it anymore. You'll just get laughed at by the other drivers (ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL! Wow, am I ever the ringleader of the Cirque du Lol).

-Dave

A Young Person's Guide to Hilarious

New episode of A Young Person's Guide to History is up here. Now. Watch it now.

Actually...wait a minute. Is Ben Franklin the voice of Master Shake? While he was discussing an online forum with Alexander Hamilton while fishing during Christmas, I could swear he sounded exactly like Master Shake. I will get to the bottom of this.

...

Ok, so I was right. Dana Snyder does the voice of Shake and plays the role of Ben Franklin. Why the sudden change in mood? I just found out that the show is only composed of two parts! What? No! They took Aqua Teen, Tim & Eric, Metalocalypse, Robot Chicken, and Xavier away from me all at once! My LiveJournal (remember how I'm a 13 year old girl?) is gonna run red with the digital metaphorical blood of whoever I decide is responsible for this.

Rest in peace, last vestige of Adult Swim hilarity until summer. Wow, that's actually really appropriate since Halloween was recently. Oops, I destroyed any drama that the unnecessarily formal language of the first sentence of this paragraph may have created.

-Dave

More-Famous Friday

In the spirit of Halloween (why do we celebrate the harvest? Are we farmers?), I decided that this Halloween video needs to be more famous. Freddy Krueger has troubles moving into a new neighborhood, as well as explaining the absurdity of the plots of his movies. Warning: this contains spoilers in case you haven't already seen the Nightmare on Elm St. debacles (I mean movies):

Happy day of harvest/witches and candy.

-Dave

Kyle's Mom is A B*tch

NSFW - but oh so freaking hilarious!!!


South Park - Cartman - Kyle's Mom Is A Bitch - The best video clips are right here

Who knew that little kids can sing that well? I didn't.
Many of you have probably seen this movie, or at least clips of this movie. Have fun you peoples of the world.