MFF: Short and Sweet and Sklar

So apparently the Sklar Brothers are still around and hilarious, as evidenced by their latest project Running Superfans (more like "Why did nobody tell me about this sooner" Superfans...right?). Plenty of clips are available on the site, but this 18 second long ADD clip seems to be the least appreciated of the bunch according to my sweep of the YouTubs this week. Enjoy it:



Also this, since apparently the Youtubs fails to understand subtlety once again:


Now of course I realize that this is an advertisement for some running shoes (Really guys? We're still selling those things? What happened to "change we can stop selling running shoes in"? Hey, I'm a straight-shooter when it comes to politics.), but it's still funny. And the Sklar Brothers need to do another stand-up special A omg S omg A omg P.

-Dave

Two Reasons My Job Rules

So here's the thing, guys, I got a job last Monday. I can't say where for legal reasons, but I can tell you that it rhymes with Blome Jeepo and is The Home Depot (my blog fought the law, and the law won). It is so ridiculous that you don't even know how ridiculous it is. These two things both happened today:

1. I stood still for two hours holding a lawnmower running in order to burn off the gas that was in it when it was returned. Because of course that is what I get paid to do.

2. Two people got in an argument over whether or not we sold pickle plants. One gentleman said that we sold them and the other disagreed. After both men called each other bastards, I got to settle the argument by saying that we sold cucumber plants and both men left feeling that they had won.

Economic crisis? Shmecomomic drysis (nailed that pun!).

-Dave

There's Something About Terminator: Salvation

I went to see this movie over the weekend and felt a great wave of MEH. Yeah, an all caps "meh". Let's rap:

1. Enough with the Jeebus references, McG. I'm not a baby, and so just one instance of Marcus Wright being place in a pseudo-crucifixion pose was quite enough of that. Actually, come to think of it, this is a Terminator movie and so zero references to Jeebus would have been fine.

2. OH MY GOD! YOU ARE THE RESISTANCE! AHHHHHH! It might have just been the theater I saw this movie in (whoops, I paid money for this, I know), but why was everything so loud? Even BatmanJohn Connor whispering into a radio was almost unbearably loud.

3. I want more motorcycle guys!

4. Two things broke the realism for me: holy crap, Kyle Reese is an Olympic marksman with every gun, and John Connor got stabbed in the heart but then instantly recovered; and then proceeded to detonate a nuke from a helicopter that was STILL OVER THE NUKE. Whoops, didn't mean to school you in nukes, but I went to Nuke Academy and got my PhD. in NuclearNookyuler Booms.

It was decently fun to see, but seriously don't spend money on this movie as long as this audio is available for free online:



This movie needed more of this happening and less of animatronic Arnold Schwarzenegger. Well, pretty much anything would be better with less animatronic Governator.

-Dave

More-Famous Friday: The Snuggie is Going Down

This is to the Snuggie as the thong is to comfortable undergarments:



Congratulations, guys; we invented the robe that can become a toga. Also, undergarments? I'm getting old. How old? 90. When is Murder She Wrote coming on?

-Dave

They Finally Explained the Goat!

How I Met Your Mother season finale!

-Dave

Charm School Episode 2: My Death Broadcast in SURROUND SOUND

Here are my notes from this week's episode of SadnessCharm School with Rick Lake:

*bubbles is so stupid it's not even fun to call her stupid.

*kiki says she has a surround sound mouth. truth.


*brittaney star locked in bathroom by ashley(no clean water?), revenge:cookies in the bed, counter revenge: threw a cucumber?, counter counter: threat of fire extinguisher.

*brittaney is an apprentice to bay bay bay and so hood. bay bay bay and so hood are sith lords now and darth brittaney's power is growing.

*bubbles wants to pinkey swear to the fake headmaster of this fake school. because pinkey swears are sacred in the world of bubbles.

*has K.O been on this show the whole time? and did she say "conversate"? she should disappear again.

*"is there a ringleader"? they are all clowns equally. in the people's clown republic of charmschoolistan.

*if farrah really thinks that living in a mansion with an endless supply of utilities, food, and alcohol is jail, she needs to go to jail. a jail far away from television cameras (no spinoff for you, not yours).

*lala, what is the definition of charm school? alcohol and unwarranted self-importance?

*farrah, nobody wants to change on charm school. have you ever seen charm school?

*this show is quickly becoming a district 19-esque "us vs. them" heavey-handed metaphor for alienation. oh yeah, and some of the girls straight-up look like aliens. zing.

*crap! i wanted those 3 girls to leave the show. to be fair, i want everyone on this show to go home (or at least just the crew-out of sight, out of mind).

*kiki is gone. wow, bay bay bay got tears going before the second "k" even escaped ricki lake's strangely thing botoxed lips.

*"ricki has a whirlpool over her eyes".

The new shipment of suicide just came in. There's enough for everybody.

-Dave

No Title

I lack a title for today's post because...well...there isn't much I can use about this post.

First, I hate being sick. I'm not sure what I have, but it sucks. I started getting sick last Thursday and it has progressed to a stage where I've lost my voice. Not only this, but I have to go outside and work tomorrow morning...at 7...under a freezing warning. That means it might be in the 30 degree range when I go outside. Great, just what I need: to get anally raped by this city's extreme fluctuations in temperature as I'm finally starting to get over a cold. Just. Dandy.

And, this song has been stuck in my head for the last weekish. I really enjoy it.



-Atticus

More-Famous Friday: International Relations 101

Civilized nations of the world, this is a call to arms. We can no longer stand idly by while these monsters paralyze the citizens of the world with fear. Gather your strongest and bravest soldiers and prepare them for the most important mission of their lives. Let's burn France down.



Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

-Dave

Sometimes DJs Remix Slap Chop Commercials

Truth:



-Dave

Charm School, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

Sisbot was sitting around the house earlier tonight when, all of a sudden, I blacked out for an hour. Upon regaining consciousness, I learned that during this same hour VH1's new season of Charm School with Ricki Lake was being broadcast. While I cannot conclusively draw a cause-and-effect relationship between these two events, I felt it would be important to note this strange coincidence in case it serves as a warning sign to future generations of half-insane blogger physicists (so many of those, I know).

Anyways, there was a very heated exchange of words between two of the contestants literally 10 minutes into the show which cemented its hilarity (Did I type hilarity? I meant sadlarity.) Nonsense nonsense nonsense, then someone's hair got pulled and one girl got eliminated for getting drunk on the first night.

I think I'm gonna start trying to write about this show every week, because it seems like it might be a veritable lulz factory. These lulz melt in your mouth, not in your hand. I'm so sorry.

-Dave

Sparky and Prom

Hey there. I just want to let all you people know that I hate you and hope you never talk to me again.

Now that that rant is out of my system, time to get to my actual rant. As I've mentioned before, I spent all of last week working with an extremely annoying kid named Sparky. In short, Sparky made me want to quit my job. I can barely look at him without having the urge to punch him, but thankfully my self-control held me back. So today, my boss came up to me and said he is rotating me out for another kid to be tortured by Sparky. I literally almost cried. That one moment has made it official that there is a merciful God. As much as I hate working with, let alone being near, Sparky, I've developed a good strategy to tolerate him: completely and utterly ignore him. We have noise silencing headphones since all we do is mow and weed whack, so I put my earphones from my ipod into the headphones and listen to music all day. Sparky tries to get me to do stuff by attempting crude charades, but I just ignore him. It works quite well.

In other news, this past weekend was my girlfriend's prom. All in all, it was a good time. I'm pissed tired, but its good. I got to play with a bonfire at 1:00 in the morning while a bunch of girls with extremely flammable hair freaked out as sparks flared. Life becomes hilarious when you can barely see straight and you have control of fire.

-Atticus

This Looks Funny

First of all, sorry about the recent lack of updates. Stuff here has been kind of hectic, what with me getting settled in and seeing a bunch of people at home here. Our normal post-structural post-feminist post-Marxist critique of a world in post-industrial postmodern decline through detailed analysis of YouTube videos of people falling over will resume shortly.

Woody Allen's new movie Whatever Works now has a trailer up and looks pretty funny. I'm not really sure what else to say about that. This blog is cynical and it's a cynical movie.



-Dave

Review: 50 Cent:Blood on the Sand

Recently I rented the game 50 Cent BoS. At first, I wanted to play it as a joke, because seriously it's a game where you play as a rapper who, "Needs to get that skull back." I soon realized, maybe it wasn't that bad of an idea to rent it. The game is surprisingly... good. I know, shocking. Of course, I still can't take them game seriously. The graphics are good, the controls are good, the gameplay is just gangsta' fun. There's a taunt button which just makes 50 swear, I hit it throughout most of the game and still find it funny. If I were to give it a score out of 10, it would be an 8. Go check the game out, and get ready to laugh.
-Alex

Good to be Home

I'm back home after the 8 hour drive, and it feels pretty nice to be back and see everyone. We'll see how long that feeling lasts. I give it a week and also new Mighty Boosh episode is up.

-Dave

I Hate It

We need to burn it all down NOW.

-Dave

I am Disappointed in BitTorrent

Really, pirates? Really? Downloading Fast and Furious 4, Crank 2, Underworldshutupshutupshutpshutup, Paul Blart, or Blah Blah Old Baby would be like hijacking a ship to steal the dirty laundry. Swashbuckling metaphors, I know.

-Dave

Holy Crap

Today at work, a new kid came in to join the ground's maintenance, which I am a part of. Apparently, he worked last year, and "knows the ropes" around the campus. Holy piss. This guy is so freaking annoying! I had to spend 8 hours with this douchebag in a little cart, driving bags of blankets around campus. If there is there anyone who is more of a meathead, they should be shot... right now... because this guy is that absurd. Let me explain...

Everyone calls him "Sparky" because he is so hyper and energetic all day, even at 7 AM! There isn't much more than having a jumping pile of muscles with the IQ of a sack of rotten potatoes asking you questions about your life at 7:00 in the morning. So we start delivering these bags of blankets, and the bags are maybe 5 or so pounds per bag, and I'm not sure if he was trying to impress me... or flirt with me (I really hope not), but he was throwing all these bags, almost shot putting them, decent distances and up stairs. I just looked at him and thought 'wow, you really do suck as much as everyone says.' (By the by, almost everyone hates him. I am not alone.) So as we are delivering these bags, a couple of blankets fall out onto the dirty, water-covered road (because, of course, it has been raining all day), and Sparky's first idea is to destroy the evidence, i.e. all 5 blankets that fell onto the road. I refused to let him do that, to which he proceeded to scold me saying that I should listen to him because he "knows what he is talking about." I am almost certain that someone is going to notice us try to throw away, if not find those blankets when they are pitched and then who is going to get in trouble? No, its not Santa, no its not Numa-Numa man, that's right! It will be me. That is exactly what I need: to be fired on my 6th day of work because some douche-hole of a meathead decided it would be better to dispose of campus possessions instead of washing them, like we are supposed to do when something like that happens. After that incident, he continued to scold me every hourish about that, when I just saved both our butts from getting canned. I seriously just want to hurt him, perhaps knock him out of the cart and drive away...or better yet, knock him out of the cart, into the 700ish acres of forest my campus possesses, and throw stuff at him. If this summer ever ends, it won't come soon enough.

-Atticus

Jimmy Fallon Awkwardly Interviews Someone who isn't Tim and Eric

Now you all know how I feel about Jimmy Fallon, but I used to be able to tolerate Morgan Webb on X-Play. Please, nobody watch that new G4 show. Oh wait, just like all their other shows, I'm sure you're all already taking care of that.

Also, what is up with Ice-T? Keeping it gangster with Jimmy Fallon and Elmo, I guess. He did make his contractually required "hood" (TM) references, though, so everything turned out alright in the end.

-Dave

I'm Busy, Here's a Song

-Dave

I went to DC

I walked around and did the usual things people do in DC, goof off and do stupid stuff in museums. I also visited a place called the "Sculpture Garden." It had things that looked like sculptures, and then it had things like this:
This thing is called "Untitled" by Ellsworth Kelly. My mind was blown, is this really here? Did this thing really cost someone money? Do people really consider this a sculpture, or art? I looked into it, and it turns out Mr. Kelly makes a lot more of things that you thought were to teach kindergartners their colors. Here is more of his "work."
Art at it's best. However, in my time in DC I did find some real art.
Now, this, is art.

-Alex

Studying for Finals and ALIENS!

I dunno what it is about this summer that's making great movies come out (The Hunt for Gollum, anyone?), but I love it. Look at that freaking space ship:



And they have a viral marketing campaign? I need to see this movie.

Oh, also it's a metaphor for racism. Aliens with tentacle mouths are quite subtle, so I figured I would put my degree in literature from Lulz U. to work for me by analyzing the pants off of that movie. You know, movie pants-offing.

-Dave

Holy Crap, LOTR Fan Movie

The awesome trailer:



The copyright infringement is dwarfed by the awesomeness, your honor. I rest my case. (And that's the story of how I got my doctorate in lawyerhood from Columbia).

-Dave