BBT and HIMYM Episode 2: Lovers' Quarrels Galore

This week's How I Met Your Mother was definitely the weaker of the two shows, although I think I might be inherently biased towards The Big Bang Theory because of how big of a loser I is. Lazy pirate summaries after the jump:

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Bored to Death 102: Colonics are Funny

Could you probably make a joke about how "colonics" basically rhymes with ebonics?  Yeah, probably.  You racist.  Let's get to the show before the Klan shows up at your house to recruit you.

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Parks and Recreation 202- The Stakeout

Ann starts dating Mark, which prompts Leslie to run through a list of different ways of saying that friends come first. The best one? "Ovaries before brovaries." Leslie starts a community garden, and whenever she asks Tom for the Latin name of the plants, he tells her the names of rappers. Oh yeah, and somebody decided to plant some pot in the garden. What will they do nooooow?

Ron has a bit of a Carl-Winslow-right-before-the-big-dance-contest situation (Did I do that?), and Leslie takes Tom with her to stake out the area to try and catch the 13-year-old kingpin. Who do they see? Mark is on his way to Ann's house! Leslie starts snapping pictures of them together. Methinks she might care more about that relationship than she lets on.

Tom reveals that his birth name wasn't Tom, and he changed it before Barack Obama was elected because he thought "brown guys with funny-sounding Muslim names don't get very far in politics". Wait a minute, isn't the Muslim population in India a huge minority? In fact, isn't that the entire reason that Pakistan became a country? Once again, historical accuracy falls victim to the need for topical humor. Muslims.

Tom and Leslie find out that Andy has been living in the pit, but he wasn't the one who planted the pot there. April goes back to the office, thinking that there must be something wrong with Ron (he has a hernia). She then delivers one of the most hilariously generic punchlines of all time, "I know. It's possible to have two things." You had to be there.

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A Non-Denominational Christmas-Like-Holiday Miracle

I finished everything that I needed to do tonight and will be going to bed after watching some Home Movies and/or random anime. YES! To put that in perspective, my going to sleep at 10 tonight will be the first time since the semester started that I will have been asleep before midnight.

First round of tests coming up in the next 2 weeks, hurrah! I'll be sure to give you the scoop on how I do. Hint:

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Too...Tired.......Must.....Summarize....Television...

Scared to Death rules, watch it.  Better commentary next week I promise.  Oh, and I have to defer to the Wikipedia summary of the Parks & Recreation premiere because I'm a moron and watched it without taking notes and then waited too long to try and summarize it.  Something about gay penguins, Christian/parent advocacy groups ruin everything, and Aziz Ansari continues nailing his part.  Awesome stuff. 

Anyhow, my raw notes from Bored to Death (which you will not feel after watching this show...@Dave: ugh, your jokes make me hurt) are after the jump:

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Lazy Pirate Summary: BBT and HIMYM Season Premieres

episode starts explaining barney and robin's apparent friends-with-benefits relationship
amusing anecdote involving a whip and a fedora
they pretend to leave to go on separate dates, but are discovered making out in ted's apartment
whenever they try to decide how they feel about each other, they end up having sex
ted's first day as a professor at columbia
"you're not happy, you just think you're happy because you feel happy"
barney gets jealous when robin's friend brad invites her to a hockey game
brad tells robin to have the talk
marshall tells barney to have the talk
ted says barney violated his own rules to avoid making someone their g/f, so robin is already his g/f
barney interrupts robin and brad's kiss by punching brad and then recoiling in pain
"that's my thing, i'm always punching guys...girls...i'll punch a baby, i don't care"
ted forgets how to spell professor
lilly and marshal lock robin and barney in a room in ted's apartment to make them have the talk
ted finds out he is in the wrong room
"t dog, you're in the wrong room, bro"
marshall raises the stakes by blowing the scent of bacon into the room
to get out of the room, barney and robin decide to lie about being b/f and g/f
episode ends with marshall having his own tuxedo night

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So Many Premieres!

Here are the shows I'll be following online this season, all of which I downloaded (or started downloading) today:
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)
Bored to Death (HBO)
Parks and Recreation (NBC)

Hopefully I'll be able to keep up with all the new episodes of these shows and give a quick overview and some commentary the day of their respective scene releases...or at least within a day or two. 

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Proof of How Active my Life Is

Two things occupied my weekend for no apparent reason (besides homework and videogames- those two things are given): reading about the show Roseanne and surfing this website.

Now while these two things may seem totally unconnected, let me explain. I was reading about the show Roseanne because I remembered a conversation I had with my mom about how she was a very controversial comedian, and I asked why. Apparently her "shocking" exploit was singing the national anthem poorly. Here's the video:

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Imma Let You Finish

But this is one of the best memes of all time.

-Dave

Got Done Everything I needed to Do Today Before Midnight

Time for some sleep!

-Dave

The End of an Era (Not a Post About Patrick Swayze)

So, as you likely did not hear, The Steal is breaking up. Yes, I fired up my Google Reader today (it's analog and runs on gas- hence "firing it up") to find a report from PunkNews that the band will be playing their final show this Friday.

I salute this band, and I mean that totally without sarcasm. They were a great band, and I'll be listening to their music for years to come. Unless the sweet release of death comes sooner (nailed that optimistic remark!). With that said, I leave you tonight with a live video of them after the jump.

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Speaking of Tim and Eric...

Tim Heidecker, half of our favorite comedy duo here, directed and starred in a music video for a band called Clues.  The music is pretty boring and generic indie (bring on the hate mail!), but the video is absolutely hilarious when you consider the juxtaposition of the totally serious music with the on-screen actions. 

Whoops, switched over to The Film Critic Collective there for a minute.  Now I'm back.  The video is after the jump.

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*sigh* Fine, I Guess We'll Talk about Kanye

If you have somehow managed to not see the video yet, you can check it out over at MTV.

Kanye West: what is he famous for, again? The last thing I heard about him (when I accidentally poked my head out of the dirt) was when he said the George Bush didn't care about black people. Anyways, I salute his attempts to derive lulz from one of the most needlessly overhyped self-masturbatory ad-festivals still alive on television today. Seriously, VMAs? In 2009 we're still doing those?

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This is What my Time Looks Like

Yes, I did download it.  No, it's not good enough to buy.  That being said, it is a mediocre dungeon crawler with enough depth to keep me occupied for a couple of hours when I have nothing else to be doing.  I just started it yesterday, hence the missing post, but things will be getting totally back on schedule starting this week.

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You Might as Well Jump! (into some Acid)

That's right, boys and girls, Blogger announced today that they're finally implementing the "Jump" feature that users of WordPress have been enjoying for some time now. The timing could not be better for me, as I just read about this today on a Math forum. After the jump is a humongous integral solution that would otherwise clog up front page and cause it to load a lot slower. ENJOY MY JUMPING!

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Sometimes My Calc. Professor Plays Baseball

I guess he likes baseball a lot, because I couldn't help but notice that he was wearing a 3/4 sleeve shirt in class today. Now, a couple of things need to be established at this point:

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The Guild: Covering up My Incompetence

I really have no idea why I am having such a difficult time getting back into the habit of updating this here blog. Here's the new episode of The Guild:

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More Lull

Actually, today was overall pretty cool. I just kind of hung around, listened to some of my favorite music, got caught up on some homework, watched some funny videos, read a bunch, and looked at some basses online. Now I'm gonna watch a cam of Extract and get a nice long sleep. I'm thinking midnight to 1, if I'm lucky.

Let's hope tomorrow is even better. Or, if it's not, then we'll return to the typical posts filled with bitterness and shattered dreams. You know, typical college stuff.

-Dave

Long Weekend Lull

A great lull, and yet no lulz to be had(I'm working on my doctoral thesis for Punology while doing my Physics B.S.). Today I woke up late, felt sick, ate some awesome tortellini soup, and then did some Diff. EQ homework. Big whoop. For the last 3 hours I've been watching Kenny vs. Spenny and loving it. That Kenny is such a trickster! And that Spenny is such a gullible borderline schizo!

Anyways, apparently the new Black Dahlia album leaked. I loved Unhallowed so much that I actually thought about downloading the leak to see if they stopped sucking since Miasma, and then this showed up:

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Not the Giving Tree

Atticus and I just had a somewhat strange conversational tangent while looking at a very confusing picture. The picture in question:



Okay, seriously. What? What do Fundamentalist Christians think that the theory of evolution actually says? And how does evolution cause inflation? And hard rock? And BOTH communism and socialism? And since when was creationism a science? I'll say it loud and say it proud: creationism is made up nonsense with no basis in reality, and you are foolish, misguided, or willfully ignorant of the facts if you continue to propagate the idea that creationism adheres to any of the rigors of modern scientific processes. Okay, we can leave the serious zone now.

Atticus: Oh, I lost feeling in my external organs a long time ago.
Atticus: Deep-fried butter wrapped in bacon for 10 years will do that to you.
Dave: Haha!
Dave: Your face fell off from gangrene.
Atticus: It was kinda neat when that happened.
Dave: Let me lick what remains.
Atticus: Now that's just kinda gross.

-Dave

Radio Killed the...Blogeo Star?

Terrible title, I'm tired. The point is, I just got done doing my first radio show for the campus radio station. Overall it went pretty well, except for some of my beautiful stammering in the beginning having to do with a combination of strangely pronounced names and my nervousness. In the beginning, one could say, my nervousness brung all the boys to the yard. Partially my fault because I'm an anxious person, and partly out of my hands because I had to rush a few things there. Oh well, I have all year to improve. Great punk music doesn't play itself on the radio!

Anyhoo, seeing as how I was doing Diff. Eq. homework most of tonight, I'm pretty tired. I have nothing more to add except today's Zero Punctuation (featuring a hilariously bad Irish accent):



Top notch stuff there, mate. Let's throw some shrimp on the barbie. And now for sleep!

-Dave

Some Joke About an Expansion Pack/Expanding Package

The first episode of The Guild season 3 went up on MSN today, and it made my day so much better. I should add that my day started out sour when I found out that I now have to go down to the bookstore on campus tomorrow and pick up a $150 book because somebody who runs the pre-order program messed up. Whoops, my life is valuable. Lol, jk bff's.

The Guild:

<br/><a href="http://video.msn.com/video.aspx?mkt=en-US&vid=6f31eb66-4360-439a-ad62-f2bdf28f550e" target="_new" title="Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time">Video: Season 3 - Episode 1: Expansion Time</a>


Even though September just started, it is likely that the best quote of the month will be "Remind me to take you on a road trip sometime. And by that, I mean do not remind me because I would not go. You talk a lot." That is, unless some better Vork dialogue comes up between now and then (possible).

-Dave