Seriously, I played vidjuh games, hung out with friends and family, and ate. Big whoop. I won't be writing home about my time at home both because it wasn't exciting and because that would be redundant would be redundant would be redundant. Instead, you will have to deal with this out-of-context conversation excerpt for my apology concerning the missed posts. Buck up!
Dave: The point isn't to promote gay porn, Atticus. Dave: The point is to give you a reason to sue the school for the cashmoney. Atticus: Why dont you do it, Dave? Dave: I don't go to [Atticus' school redacted]. Atticus: But the same rules would apply at your school Dave: My latte-drinking libruhl elite education up here is far too tolerant for me to get away with a stunt like that.
I was on a train for over 9 hours today. First I went to Penn Station in New York City, and it was awesome. For 10 minutes I just sat there and listened to one ticket agent yelling at another ticket agent for yelling. He ended by saying, "Either get a megaphone, or shut up" and walked away looking quite upset. Whoops, it's a closed building and people are depending on the loudspeaker announcements to find the correct track. But yeah, that loud ticket lady probably needs a megaphone. Welcome to New York City. Kill yourself as soon as possible. Seriously, though, I loved being around the large crowds of people and the hustle/bustle.
The rest of the trip was spent in a weird half-awake half-asleep stupor listening to music. Now I'm sitting here at home. As far as I can tell, the only thing that's changed since my leaving is the addition of some shelves in the basement. Man, time has a way of changing things. Like shelves. Please plot shelves as a function of time and have your papers ready for me on Monday.
Oh yeah, and people who haven't seen me in 3 months say I appear to have lost weight. That's right, I'm losing weight. All the weight.
This is the ultimate evidence that God exists: Ann Coulter fell, broke her jaw, and her mouth is now wired shut. This is amazing! No long will the world be silenced by the sheer stupidity of that woman. No long will we have to endure her colorful phrases such as: "If we're so cruel to minorities, why do they keep coming here? Why aren't they sneaking across the Mexican border to make their way to the Taliban?" and "(Mel) Gibson didn't insert Jews into ("The Passion of the Christ") for some Machiavellian, racist reason. Christ was a Jew crucified by Romans at the request of other Jews in Jerusalem. I suppose if Gibson had moved the story to suburban Cleveland and portrayed Republican logging executives crucifying Christ, the left would calm down. But it simply didn't happen that way." Praise the Lord, there will be peace on the world for at least a few months.
You guys are really impatient, but I must spin you another yarn (it brings all the boys to the yard, blah blah blah pretend I made a joke).
So I walked into the building where the Physics office is a few minutes before going to my work-study (oh yeah, getting paid to workblog) and went to use the bathroom on the first floor. Because I'm good like that. There was a woman janitor standing in the entrance mopping the floor, so I said "Oh, sorry, I'll use a different bathroom." I'm courteous like that.
She responded, "No, it's fine, I'm almost done here." So I walked past her and almost made it to a urinal (eww) when she said, "And trust me, I've been married for 30 years. You ain't got nothin' I wanna see anymore."
First of all, even forgiving the grammar, I think it's a sad reflection on society when married couples can no longer feel that they can connect on a physical level, which probably only exacerbates any pre-existing marital problems they may have been having. Whoops, what I meant to say there was OH MY GOD SHUT UP YOU'RE SO GROSS!
My yarn-spinning brings all the boys to the yard (as does my inability to make comprehensible post titles, apparently). Anyways, I was sitting in the Student Union getting ahead on some Chem. homework (oh yeah, I'm in college so I can use abbreviations like they're nothing. Deal with it, squares!) and this guy sat down at the same table as me to my left. I had my laptop out and plugged into the wall, and he pulled his out. I wasn't paying any attention to him at all until he went to plug in his laptop a few minutes later. That's when I noticed that he was watching what appeared to be a 12 year old boy/girl singing on American Idol. "Why didn't he notice that before?" you may be asking yourself. Because it was muted. He was watching a singing competition full-screen with the sound muted. Wow. I got up and left immediately (about 45 minutes later. You guys know how our Chem. homework is. By the way, what did you get for problem 4?). He was probably Chuck Manson's protege or something. College sucks because of that guy.
Played Counter-Strike under the covers for most of today, and then worked on an essay for a while.
I've been watching some of the TED Talks on the YouTubes, and I highly recommend them if you're ready to have your mind blown. Here's a slightly less-than-mindblowing-but-still-interesting-and-mildly-amusing example about a guy who started a project to make modern art a little neater.
It's that time of the week again already. I know, this week dragged on forever. I'm so close to falling asleep right now, but this video needs to be made more famous. By me. On this blog.
Basically, it's one of those one-man YouTube comedies. But WAIT! What makes this one different is that it's actually really hilarious. This guy Alex Traynor summarizes the Bible in 4 (very explicit, very NSFW) parts. If you don't like the idea of God being a deadbeat, then this blog is not for you. Here's part 1:
Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (aka the part that mentions Jesus, since I know that's the important one to you guys).
So, at college, I am what we in the professional business call "an on-air personality," but for those of you who can't understand this, I am a DJ for the radio. Once a week, I go to the radio booth with my friend and we play music and make fun of each other for two hours, or until someone complains about our music which we then have to calm ourselves down. All in all, its a fun time. Today was different though, today we started to harass random people walking past the DJ booth...and we interviewed a band, which was pretty sweet.
Normally, we just sit around and torment each other, but right in front of us, we saw a couple making out directly in front of the booth. As hilarious as this was, we screamed into the mikes for everyone to come out and watch some soft-core pornography for everyone's pleasure. Within one minute, about 15 people came out of the cafeteria and watched them lock lips for minutes on end. They were quite embarrassed, but I was very happy with myself. It was pretty sweet.
Second, we interviewed a band called Evil Empire who is playing a benefit show for LNS within the next few weeks. I have never interviewed a band before, but it was pretty sweet. The members were all cool and a couple of penis jokes slipped through our mouths to the ears of our audience. Woops, well they can go eff themselves. They know its funny, they are just too afraid to admit it. Overall, today was pretty good, minus the fact that I still had to go to a class where the teacher is a bumbling idiot. But that's another story.
You know that saying, "Everyone has their cross to bear"? Well, my cross today was a supercross. Actually, maybe it was a bear cross that I bore. For the bear Jesus. I had to get up at 7am this morning for a Chemistry test, and literally just got back from the Physics homework session (which started at 9). Yeah, I know it was a 17-hour day (and the supercross that I was carrying around all day certainly didn't speed things up, what with the weight and all since it's made of gold and platinum which is impossible for me to steal or in any way profit from). It wasn't fun, except for the homework session. Every time I go to one of those, I realize how much I like doing physics.
I just wiped an ironic tear from my eye there. Oh yeah, welcome to The Being Serious/Physics Collective blog now. Because I was being serious and talking about physics before. You can check if you'd like.
I'm going to sleep under my epic reversible red/blue cover tonight. It will be so warm. 5 days until break! I'm so excitired!
I had these two thoughts in Chemistry today: 1. I would love to see an action movie about a secret agent/particle physicist, if only because it would allow for a setup of the line "Get ready to have the wave function collapsed-on your head!"
2. Why does everybody describe plasma as "atomic soup"? First of all, it's a crappy metaphor, and doesn't really begin to describe what a plasma is. Second, all soup is atomic in that it is made of atoms.
Also, what is with this question from the online survey about the class?
The most glaring problem with this question is that there is no negative choice. Or even a neutral choice. Chemistry here is so good that you either LOVE it or you start a LiveJournal group with your 13 year old girl friends dedicated to extol the virtues of the class. That aside, the answers don't fit grammatically with the questions. "How well did the instructions help you?" would be answered somewhere on a scale between "Not at all" and "Very much," and "Did you enjoy the class?" should be answered with either "Yes" or "No," or else a similar scale. I get that you are the Chemistry dept. (nice abbreviation...too tired to type out the other 6 letters for a survey that will be sent out to hundreds of students? That's fine, just abbreviate it).
74,1,8,8,15,16 on their part. That's Tungsten, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Oxygen, Phosphorous, Sulfur. WHOOPS.
First thing is first: I am so lucky that I had taken Calculus before coming here. The teacher does her best, but some of her test questions are just crazy. I defy anyone to show me how to integrate [1/sqrt(x-1)]dx without using a u substitution, which we aren't supposed to have learned yet. I am almost certain that it cannot be done. Either way, I know I got it right (checked online immediately afterward) and she said she didn't care at all how I solved it. Fair enough.
Then my one humanities class for this semester was canceled at 2, but I had to stay on campus to go to work at 4. I ended up mostly looking at the Barry Gibb Talk Show SNL skit on Youtube and did a little work on an essay for Thursday.
Back at the room, I fell asleep until 7. Then I went to a pointless meeting about finals (oh, we're really not supposed to cram? And sleep would help? It's like the Oracle herself is here!).
Now I'm writing this blog post and need to work on a different essay for that same class.
So for the forgotten story, it seems crazy of me to have not posted it on Friday, but whatever. One of the TAs from Calculus was kind of upset at me because of how I was doing some of the problems. It wasn't that I was getting the wrong answer or losing points (no lost points=no care ever), but that he didn't like my process. He said it wouldn't stand up to the rigor of mathematics. Luckily, this is Calculus. Calculus I. Whoah. When he asked me if I was a Physics major, I told him that I was. He then went on a 5 minute rant about how frustrating it was to talk to physicists because "they all play fast and loose with the rules". The rules of math.
You guys, I play fast and loose with the rules, so watch out. It's like the wild West out here on my quizzes and tests. Will Smith, stay away.
Anyways, I just worked on some homework today. No big whoop. I did, however, eat the best bowl of French Onion soup I've ever tasted. My God. Whoever makes the soups here needs to be given a medal. A soup medal.
You know, I was really hoping that I could just start rambling and the post would more or less write itself. Looks like that worked out pretty well. I am a blogging genius.
So I read a news article yesterday saying that $2.5 million in damage is to be awarded to a certain Jordan Gruver by the KKK in Kentucky. Apparently, a Ku Klux Klan group - the Imperial Klans of American - beat the living snot out of this kid because they thought he was an illegal Latino immigrant. Gruver is of Panamanian and Native American descent. Here is a picture of the white supremacists who almost set Gruver on fire. http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/11/14/klan.sued.verdict/index.html
Now comes the rant/taunting. First off, this scenario happened in Kentucky. As such is assumed, Kentucky is littered with these kinds of groups ( don't yell at me for pointing out the truth Kentucky. YOU ARE AWARE OF IT!!!) (go suck on a drumstick). Second, whatever area this happened in, there must be a strong group of these KKK members, because they were passing out pamphlets at a carnival, and just decided to attack this kid. Third, when Gruver sued these people, those KKK members who talked about what happened in effect destroyed their case. Any point that the KKK had to defend their position was brutally obliterated by these dults, thus adding to the phrase that 'if you don't have anything good to say, don't talk.' Fifth, this picture is just hilarious. They look like a bunch of fat bears on a bad trip of crack. Just amazing. Sixth, this KKK group is more than likely going to lose their plot of land where they hold their meetings, as this has happened before where KKK groups lost anywhere from $3-10 million dollars in lawsuits.
Sorry for scaring you with that title, there. The blogosphere can be a startling place sometimes. I actually almost missed putting up a post today because I lost track of the time. Never fear, though, as I am here. I have nothing to report. It has been an extremely slow news day, and I certainly didn't do anything worthy of note today.
For a couple of hours I got caught up on my back issues of Discover, but then got somewhat bored with it. I get it, I need to go green. Shut up. On a mildly amusing side note, one of their articles is already out-of-date, as it claimed that no telescope currently exists which could directly observe an extrasolar planet. As shown by the two images released on Friday, clearly this is not the case. You need to realign your telescrewed to better focus on Alfail Centauri (wow, that was definitely deserves a zing!).
Later in the day, I became so bored that I fired up (yeah, because it's gas-powered) Cabal for the first time in a few weeks. I play it whenever I'm especially bored, and today was just one of those very slow kind of days.
A week from this Tuesday, I'll be on a train back home for the week. That should be cool. Definitely need to play me some Fallout 3.
This is so much earlier than usual, I know. The point is this: it's Friday, and this video needs to be way more famous than 80,000 views. Honestly, there should be fake motivational posters with this guy on them already. Internet, sometimes your metaphorical Segway hits a metaphorical crack in the metaphorical sidewalk (my metaphors, let me show you them). Pick up the pace, internet!
Also, a huge thanks to Dintillion for giving me the ability to embed this video even though embedding was disabled on it. It didn't work. That site could come in handy for later on, so I think I'll bookmark it. The internet is a book. I mark it. Sorry for the philosophy again (remember, papers are still due Monday).
-Dave
EDIT: This is going to sound really nerdy, but was I the only person to see the title of this video and immediately think of Tali'Zorah nar Rayya? I can see the resemblance:
Any comment I could possibly make about this picture would be inadequate, and so I have opted instead to circle every instance of the shocker that is clearly recognizable. The original picture is on the White House website here.
Yeah, I picked a title for my comic finally. Big whoop. You should all be very thankful for this, because I couldn't even use Word for this like I normally do because it's all screwed up (big shoutout to Windows Update shutting down my computer in the middle of the night! Heyuh!). I did this with Excel, and it still looks good. Although I suppose that since none of the art is my own, that doesn't really matter.
Sorry for that philosophy lecture (your papers are due this Monday people). Here it is:
So, my college has a weekly paper called The Advocate and it has little crappy new stories and something called a police blotter. The police blotter is a written list of summarized disturbances happening at the university. Some are funny, most are retarded. Take for example: On November 11, a group of students had the police called on them because of a milk-chugging contest taking place outside a dorm. No charges were pressed... Well, I hope no charges were freaking pressed because some kids were trying to get they're daily amount of Vitamin C! I suppose that milk is the new crack cocaine of the streets. Spread the word people! If you hear the phrase "Hey Jimmy, let's go suck the milk out of that cow!" beware. This actually means that those kids are going to go snort crack cocaine off a dead hooker's ass... YOU ARE BUNCH OF KNUCKLE-HEADED DUMBASSES TO CALL THE POLICE ON KIDS DRINKING MILK!!!
Second idiotic thing about the paper: an article on the front page talked about someone getting charged for possession of marijuana. Yes I am aware that possession of enough marijuana is illegal you morons of the internet world, but the newspaper must be pathetic enough to actually have to make an article about it. If every newspaper wrote an article every time someone got caught with marijuana, the rain forest would be destroyed in a matter of days. No joke people, that is just lame. Go overdose on some milk you dairy-lovers of the world!
The papers should be burned because as we all know, fire is awesome as seen by this comic: Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net
Seriously, today was so Raven. Tuesdays are always interesting because I'm done with class by 1. Today I got back to my room at 1:30, fell asleep, and woke up at 5:30. It's like they want me to do all of college in a day or something, the rate they're making me work at.
To address the elephant in the room (what? The internet is a room and this blog is a table near an elephant, I guess), I did not do a regular post yesterday after the comic because I was busy planning comics for weeks ahead. How many weeks, you may ask? 11. I found 22 epic pictures of old-time models that are just ripe for my style of thought/speech bubble humor. I'm not gonna lie, you guys, they're like the 90's SNL of internet comics that involve no actual drawing. Is it even a comic then? Who knows. Here are the names I'm considering for it:
Stupid Fashion LolModels Somebody Else's Grandmother Some Things were Forgotten on Purpose Endless Photographic Model Happy!
If you can do better, then tell me. You probably can't, though. That's not reverse psychology. Nor is that. Or that. That last one was.
I'm at my work-study job in the Physics Department right now, and just finished a new comic. I think I'll try to stick to a Monday-Thursday schedule for this. Maybe. I've also been considering some titles, but haven't decided on anything for sure yet.
Most of today was spent putting the final touches on some lab write-ups for Physics tomorrow, double checking data, triple checking data, spell-checking the write-ups, quadruple-checking the data, and printing it all out. I graphed all of Physics probably.
I realized today two weeks after this Tuesday, I'll be home for a week for Thanksgiving. That's gonna be sweet. In the meantime, I'll be hanging out here doing Physics guitar solos (eeeeeeeee=mcwiddlywiddlywiddlysqueeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeered!). Just kidding, everything I do is guitar solos. On that note, somebody needs to get me Gogol Bordello's new CD Super Taranta!, if only so I can listen to "Ultimate" without having to go on YouTube. Here's a live video of the song, enjoy:
Also, if you're looking for a Christmas present for me, get me those pants that Eugene is wearing. Today was definitely a good day.
The best bunny picture of them all. An angry Brittany Spears-bunny hybrid stealing children and raping their minds with the horrors of drinking acid like its soda. A 10 out of 10, easily.
In all honesty, the most interesting thing that happened today was that I ate some couscous with a spoon. I know, I'm like basically every anarchist rolled into one what with the utensil rebellion.
On a side note, here's something I learned about myself: regardless of how inane the comment may be, whenever someone makes a YouTube comment to the effect of "5:21 si so seweet," I have to watch it. Always.
Enjoy this literal Rick Roll video from 2:17-2:25:
Today's video is from a Japanese hidden camera show, and it's funny for a bunch of reasons.
The first reason this is funny is the tittle of it: "funny Japanese hippen camera show". Both the ridiculous choice of capitalizing "Japanese" and the use of mirror image letters for "d" make that funny.
As for the video itself, it's your pretty standard Japanese prank show content. Most of those stunts seem like they could've caused some serious injury to the victims. Also, you can tell that it always takes the people a moment to realize that it isn't actually a monster. I think the guy throwing bowling balls at people's faces was my favorite. 5 views is the best you can do, Internet? Make this video more famous.
Could you take this phrase any more seriously? Not only does it offend Catholics, but mentally challenged folks across the world.
Because I can't find any other snappy (like the drink, minus the pound of sugar) pictures, I'm going to post other bizarre pictures.
Hair on fire. Change the letter 'r' with the letter 'l' and get Hail the fire! YES!!! We shall all hail the fire! Especially the fire that sits on model's heads slowly (yes, fire on people's heads burns slower compared to fire on other objects such as a cat) dissolving its flesh.
This is probably the worst picture of all. Although there is a hint of truth in this picture, its absurd nonetheless. It puts all peoples with any form of faith in the Bible in the shitter. Oh wait, I just got a call from them, they are waiting for me...and it smells like a dying otter stuffed with self-loathing and a hint of mint. I really and truly think the mint is what makes it tolerable.
Atticus: shes not that bad of a person Atticus: i enjoyed having her as a teacher Atticus: i hated almost everyone else in the class tho Dave: christ's love just glows within you, doesn't it? Atticus: brighter than Michael Moore's belly Atticus: which incidentally isn't all that bright Dave: except for when he swallows a small lamp for Halloween Dave: like a Moore-o-lantern Atticus: that would be awesome Atticus: i would video tape his belly glowing
That title is seriously witty. A wit is me, indeed.
More important than the election is the fact the the connection between Crunk and Chemistry has been shown to be a fraud! Indeed, it seems that Rastafarianism's influence was way underestimated, and for this I am truly sorry to my reader(s?...keep it singular), to my family, and to my country. During the lecture and during the review session tonight, the diatomic Iodine molecule (I-I) was discussed. Normally this would be no reason to raise an eyebrow (unless you're about to get Iodine in your eye, that stuff hurts), but today was different. Both people who referred to this molecule referred to it as "I I" or "I and I". The best part was that both times somebody had a long series of questions about it. I and I is indeed a non-polar covalent bond. Bad Brains are the head of the Chemistry department, by the way.
538 just called the election for Obama with his victory in Virginia. Honestly, folks, it was over when he won Ohio and Pennsylvania. That's right, Obama is receiving the always-vital Sandwich Collective Victory Verification ((R), lol) I am so glad that this election is over, and I cannot wait for him to take office and massively underwhelm. It's not his fault that he will underwhelm, but his disciplecrats (heyo!) have hyped him to the point that he couldn't possibly meet their expectations. I'm done with democracy.
It seems that, despite the best effort of these people with kittens, Obama won. I hope you're all pleased.
Before I begin, I need to tell you all that I do enjoy playing Guitar Hero. I don't mind partaking in the occasional Rockband thingy. I do mind how many f*cking Guitar Hero/Rockband games there are. It appears that America has been absorbed in the Guitar Hero obsession plaguing the nation. There are more games than I can count on one hand, and soon there will be more of these games than there are molecules on Spock's over-sized ears.
To start off this list of chronological games, we start with Guitar Hero 1 for the Playstation 2 in 2005. Slow at first, but quickly grew in popularity. Kinda like Cher, before she turned into the Cher. Do you get it? Probably not. F*ck you.
In 2006, Guitar Hero II was released on the PS2, then in 2007 was released to the Xbox 360. At this time, Guitar Hero's popularity was growing incredibly fast.
In the same year (2007, dumbasses) Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock was released for almost every existing system known. In this same year, two other Guitar Heros were released for portable devices. Due to laziness, I am not going to post the pictures of the rest of the Guitar Hero games. Instead, I might put up random offensive pictures. Just because. Or not...
In 2008, every other Guitar Hero game is released including: Guitar Hero World Tour; Guitar Hero Rocks the 80s; Guitar Hero: Aerosmith; Guitar Hero: Metallica; and other minuscule portable Guitar Heros. I believe that Guitar Hero is coming out Guitar Hero: AC/DC. Will the terror ever stop? They will soon be enough Guitar Hero games to drown a full-grown gorilla on roids.
Don't even get me started on freakin RockBand games. PISS HOLE DUMB SH*T FREAKIN TURD EATING D*CKWHICH!!!!
It has come to my attention that Bon Scott still has not risen from the dead. It'll happen, don't worry. You can't keep that much rock in the dirt (because those are both things on the ground! Right guys? Guys?). I don't want to say that Brian Johnson is a terrible replacement, but he just doesn't have the same energy as Mr. Scott. Plus, why does it always look like he's got an M-80 going off in his mouth? Exhibit A:
Oh yeah, and his mouth is the singularity from the Matrix, apparently. (Insert pseudo-philosophical explanation that would only make sense to a bunch of art students in a New York City Starbucks on a Wednesday afternoon while somebody plays the acoustic guitar poorly in the background).
Then, there's this:
Mum unna highwaynuh hale, indeed! Did I see some cake fall out of his mouth there? This would be really hilarious if it didn't bring up a serious question: will any of Black Ice be understandable, or will it just be a bunch of sweet guitar solos with this guy Wharrgarbling over top of them? If so, someone please give me that karaoke version of that CD. Seriously, though, if I hadn't been able to understand the few times that he said the word "down" in relation to when he said "Highway to Hell," I would've had to question whether they were actually playing the right song.
How much money did Brian Johnson make this week? Probably a lot more than words he can properly enunciate. This is an open message to Brian Johnson: I will teach you how to speak if you give me some money. What else are you gonna spend it on? Seriously, what? Muzzy? Not a bad idea, actually.
While I've got your attention, I'd also like to say lose the hat. We know you're going bald, and you don't need to try to hide it anymore. You'll just get laughed at by the other drivers (ON THE HIGHWAY TO HELL! Wow, am I ever the ringleader of the Cirque du Lol).
New episode of A Young Person's Guide to History is up here. Now. Watch it now.
Actually...wait a minute. Is Ben Franklin the voice of Master Shake? While he was discussing an online forum with Alexander Hamilton while fishing during Christmas, I could swear he sounded exactly like Master Shake. I will get to the bottom of this.
...
Ok, so I was right. Dana Snyder does the voice of Shake and plays the role of Ben Franklin. Why the sudden change in mood? I just found out that the show is only composed of two parts! What? No! They took Aqua Teen, Tim & Eric, Metalocalypse, Robot Chicken, and Xavier away from me all at once! My LiveJournal (remember how I'm a 13 year old girl?) is gonna run red with the digital metaphorical blood of whoever I decide is responsible for this.
Rest in peace, last vestige of Adult Swim hilarity until summer. Wow, that's actually really appropriate since Halloween was recently. Oops, I destroyed any drama that the unnecessarily formal language of the first sentence of this paragraph may have created.
Ha! This will most certainly not be a regular thing, but I couldn't help painting this photograph in the style of Lol. I'm sure we all remember the Lolism movement immediately after the Korean War. Artists reacting to the horrors of war and all that. This is all the outfits that you probably own:
