Sucky Newspapers and Why They Should Be Burned

So, my college has a weekly paper called The Advocate and it has little crappy new stories and something called a police blotter. The police blotter is a written list of summarized disturbances happening at the university. Some are funny, most are retarded. Take for example: On November 11, a group of students had the police called on them because of a milk-chugging contest taking place outside a dorm. No charges were pressed... Well, I hope no charges were freaking pressed because some kids were trying to get they're daily amount of Vitamin C! I suppose that milk is the new crack cocaine of the streets. Spread the word people! If you hear the phrase "Hey Jimmy, let's go suck the milk out of that cow!" beware. This actually means that those kids are going to go snort crack cocaine off a dead hooker's ass... YOU ARE BUNCH OF KNUCKLE-HEADED DUMBASSES TO CALL THE POLICE ON KIDS DRINKING MILK!!!

Second idiotic thing about the paper: an article on the front page talked about someone getting charged for possession of marijuana. Yes I am aware that possession of enough marijuana is illegal you morons of the internet world, but the newspaper must be pathetic enough to actually have to make an article about it. If every newspaper wrote an article every time someone got caught with marijuana, the rain forest would be destroyed in a matter of days. No joke people, that is just lame. Go overdose on some milk you dairy-lovers of the world!



The papers should be burned because as we all know, fire is awesome as seen by this comic:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

-Atticus