The Sandwich Collective: Beating a Dead Weekday (with a Machete)

Michael Bay has performed unspeakable acts on humanity: Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys, and most importantly Bad Boys II. He made Bad Boys II. Didn't we throw everyone involved in the making of Bad Boys II in front of a truck, guys? Seriously, though, where is Martin Lawrence? We need to get him in front of a truck stat (I'm gonna be guest starring on House next week).

Apparently this has been around since June and nobody has started gathering the axes or the torches yet. We have so much work to do. I think this is what the Trilateral Commission has been doing all this time. I hope the economy collapses before this can be completed. Organize a run on all of your local banks to stop Friday the Suckteenth.

Ignoring the video itself, however (and the sound), I quite enjoyed its YouTube page. Specifically because of the fans:

"jason running is BOSS. i cannot wait to see this. looks badass."

Running? That's the most innovative part of this movie? You people are too easy to please.

"Jason running instead of walking has to be the most badass thing going. "

So it's not just one line nutbar (party on Garth!) on Youtube who noticed the running and felt the need to express extreme approval. It's two. This movie will break box office records. There is only one solution: this movie needs to be declared hate speech before it comes out. Honestly.